Wednesday, January 25, 2012


Ah, what's better than a man standing before 435 people (plus cabinet members, judges and special guests) of mixed races and mixed parties sharing his dreams and goals for a nation? Umm... the fashion (pant suits! tie choices!), the ass-kissing, the cliches, the FORMER REAL WORLD CAST MEMBERS NOW SERVING IN CONGRESS. Yes, all of those things are what make this night, one of the greatest nights of the year.

Let's start with Sean Duffy getting some screen time. This guy used to be on MTV's The Real World in Boston, now he's a US Representative serving Wisconsin's 7th district. Real World? Talk about moving up in the real world. Google him. I think he even did one of the challenges once.

Gabby Giffords: are you kidding me? Tears. Tears streaming down my face. Big tears, small tears. All kind of tears. She's a hero. She's incredible. Let's name a building after her.

Let's try to hit the high points.

I think Hillary Clinton's longer hair is nice. It makes her softer. It also screams, "I don't give a crap." She went with a subtle pantsuit this year in comparison to her usual tribute to Dixie Carter in years past.

Joe Biden wasted zero time in blowing his nose on television. Obama barely started talking before Biden blew and before Obama got his first standing ovation. The big three all went with pretty regular tie choices. Last year they all went with a purple hue. I liked Biden's the best.

According to Obama the defining issue of our time is how to keep the American dream alive. I'm all for that! Let's keep this ship sailing, son!

Loved the Detroit shout out. I think the American auto industry is back. I mean, have you seen the Chrysler commercials lately? I'm in. Get me whatever Dr. Dre is driving!

This kind of got me, "What’s happening in Detroit can happen in other industries. It can happen in Cleveland and Pittsburgh and Raleigh." Maybe it's because I'm from the south and when I think of Raleigh I think of trees and pretty things and when I think of Cleveland and Pittsburgh I think of the exact opposite of trees and pretty things, but these cities should not be in the same category. Just saying.

Bringing jobs home.  I'm all for this! He made a few points about tax breaks and helping businesses re-set up shop in America. But, there was no mention of how any of this was going to happen. "And if you want to relocate in a community that was hit hard when a factory left town, you should get help financing a new plant, equipment, or training for new workers." Great idea! Where's the money coming from to do that? Let me know, POTUS!

Real question: Where do they find the random citizens with comeback stories featured sitting with Michelle? 

Education. Some lofty ideas with nothing ready to go to make any of them happen. 

"At a time when Americans owe more in tuition debt than credit card debt, this Congress needs to stop the interest rates on student loans from doubling in July." As one of these people, I hope this happens. I've certainly enjoyed the tax break the last two years. Also, real question: is it really possible to rack up that much credit card debt? I mean, what are you people buying? My education debt started out in the 20k range, the same price as a decent car. Did you buy a car on a credit card? A shit ton of boots? What? I really need to know. 

"You see, an economy built to last is one where we encourage the talent and ingenuity of every person in this country." I rarely feel encouraged by this economy or by my government. : (

"Of course, the easiest way to save money is to waste less energy." Well, now you just sound like my Dad!

"During the Great Depression, America built the Hoover Dam and the Golden Gate Bridge." HISTORY LESSON! I wish there would've been a slide show. Instead, we just got to see members of congress looking rather glum. : (

"An America built to last insists on responsibility from everybody." This coming from a Democrat? Does this mean Welfare is ending?

"I will not back down from protecting our kids from mercury pollution..." THANK GOD, right?! It's like, finally! Somebody wants to stand up against mercury pollution. I was super tired of cancer getting so much press. 

"Now, you can call this class warfare all you want. But asking a billionaire to pay at least as much as his secretary in taxes? Most Americans would call that common sense." Yeah, yeah, yeah I get it. But, they kept showing shots of this lady-- looked fine to me! I mean, I don't know her life, but her suit looked nicer than Hillary's.  Just saying. 

"Washington is broken. Can you blame them for feeling a little cynical?" No! I think that's where you come in though, sir!

"The point is, we should all want a smarter, more effective Government." That's the point? Why didn't you lead with that? YES and AMEN.

"I have already sent this Congress legislation that will secure our country from the growing danger of cyber-threats." Thank God, I do not want anyone cyber-bullying ME or MY GOVERNMENT. I really hope this means no more e-mails from my friends in London being held at knife-point. 

"Those of us who’ve been sent here to serve can learn from the service of our troops. When you put on that uniform, it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white; Asian or Latino; conservative or liberal; rich or poor; gay or straight." Heaven help a President that basically quotes Lady Gaga. There's no turning back now, kids. The damage is done. 

No, it gets worse, "This Nation is great because we worked as a team. This Nation is great because we get each other’s backs." Get each other's backs? You really just said that to me? You really want me to believe that?


Before introducing ideas/goals that make people really happy or really sad, have an actual plan in place to get the thing done. Give people an actual reason to be really happy or sad, not just words. 

More face time for the Real World guy.

Red carpet walk through for members of Congress to be aired later on E! and reviewed by the fashion police. 

Make people sit in alphabetical order or just draw names out of a hat for seating arrangements. 

More close-ups of John Kerry's black eyes.

SHOUT OUTS to people who fall asleep. Hello, we elected these people! If I can stay awake through this thing, they should be taking freakin' notes!

No more standing ovations, unless it's for the military or Gabby Giffords or something else very American and worthwhile. 

The President should ride in on a horse. 

We should get to vote on the cabinet member that stays behind in case of an explosion and everyone in line to succeed POTUS dies. I'm sorry, if this happens and we're left with the Secretary of Agriculture running the country, I'm going to be PIST. We need to make sure someone awesome is standing back. So, as long as Hillary is serving, she gets my vote. 

Slideshows! Please! Of the country, baby pictures of Congress, infrastructure projects! Anything!

And. I'd like an update on all the BS from last year's SOTU. Right? Race to the top?! Anyone?!


Morgan said...

you must have been really upset about those two points. you used emoticons.

Jill said...

love your suggestions. can you send those in?

In This Wonderful Life said...


hillary needs bangs. for realz.

Maria said...

I had no idea Sean Duffy was all grown-up and stuff. I just spent 30 minutes googling him, his wife Rachel, and their 6 (!) kids. And your points: I agree.
SOOO glad I found your blog!

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