Tuesday, March 25, 2008

the bachelor. epi dos.

Holy crap, where did they find these girls?

Reality dating show or talent show? I know that when you like a boy and there are 14 other girls around you have to do something to stand out, but I do not think that singing is the way to go. Maybe you could make him laugh with a terribly bad karaoke performance or make him feel comfortable by asking him to harmonize with you on a number of Boyz II Men songs, but NEVER, EVER is it ok to "write" a song and perform for the Bachelor (or anyone!) while on a date.

"I want to find you/ I want you to find me/ I want to touch you/ I want you to touch me/ And I want to feel you/ I want you to feel me/ I want to find you, in front of me." Those are the lyrics to Michelle's ultra-catchy/creepy Broadway musical/Disney song. If Michelle didn't strike out with you after that performance how about her confessional after the rose ceremony: she said was eager to get home and see her cat, the love of her life at the moment, because, "It'll be great to have her purr again." Michelle, are you being serious? Do you realize that you honestly just ruined your life? I mean, your life is over. You can no longer show your face in public. Congratulations.

Ashlee somehow persuaded the Bachelor to kiss her. It was like a really bad high school dance. The young freshman, who is mildly attractive, corners the senior quarterback into a room and wiggles her lips around until he is so uncomfortable all he can do is kiss her! THEN, she got the rose and said, "it's mine, it's mine!" If I acted like that when I was 22 I would not be alive today at 24. I am confident of that. Someone would have shot me.

I have absolutely no comments on Marshashana or Shayne. Drama is about to blow up and I'm nervous that Shayne is going to admit herself into the Betty Ford Clinic when this is all over.

Monday, March 24, 2008

road rage.

Lately, when driving I've found myself honking at other drivers a lot. Almost excessively. Not just the friendly little honk to remind another driver that green means go, but the long and hard honk that screams, are you freakin' kidding me?! In a lot of circumstances I've found myself about two seconds away from rolling down my window and screaming profanities and even further-- I usually want to throw in an added bonus of an obscene gesture with it. It was this past Friday afternoon when I realized I was becoming that person I always finding myself feeling sorry for: the person without Jesus in their heart.

Whenever I see a person blindly lash out at someone else, my thoughts immediately go to their soul and the eternity they are most assuredly going to spend in Hell for yelling at the Starbucks barista. And then I examine my heart and realize that I too deserve to spend an eternity somewhere that doesn't have streets lined in gold (or so I've heard) and that's just for my road rage, I haven't even covered my heart on the subjects of things that weigh me down much more than road rage ever could.

It's because of my excessive honking and hand gestures that say, are you serious? you're really going to cut me off, slow down to 12 and leave your blinker on... that I decided-- I should write a book. If I write a book telling others about how to live without pissing me off the road rage will surely subside and the condition of my heart will surely improve.

If that does not prove victorious then I will throw my arms up in frustration and once again admit that Jesus is the only way, but for now I really want to try the book thing.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

march. madness.

Just a little insight into how I picked my NCAA bracket. Completely ridiculous.



UNC (1) over Indiana (8):
The heels sport the same colors as my HS Alma mater... the one and only CSHS. So pretty and blue.

George Mason (12) over Washington State (4): George Mason was a founding father. I am greatly indebted to him for my freedom. I figure I can at least give him a win.

Louisville (3) over Oklahoma (6): This was a toughy. I was born in Oklahoma, but Louisville is way cooler than Norman. I’ve always wanted to wear a big hat and a sundress and go to the derby.

Tennessee (2) over Butler (7): Nashville is in Tennessee, and Nashville is one of my favorite cities. Home of Amy Grant, Alan Jackson, and countless other musical phenoms. I would live in Tennessee.


Kansas (1) over Kentucky State (9): Wicked is my very favorite musical. It is the prequel to The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy was from Kansas.

Vandy (4) over Clemson (5): "Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously mistakin."

Kansas State (11) over Wisconsin (3): Manhattan. Same name as one of my favorite cities.

Georgetown (2) over Gonzaga (7): I lived in DC for a while, and Georgetown has the best shopping in town hands down.


Memphis (1) over Mississippi State (8): Maybe it was Memphis… maybe it was southern summer nights… love that song.

Michigan State (5) over Pittsburgh (4): Right now I'm reading A Moveable Feast by Hemingway. He talks about Michigan, and growing up, he spent his summers there. Michigan it is!

Stanford (3) over Kentucky (11): My friend’s husband goes to Stanford.

Texas (2) over St. Mary’s (10): Just givin the homeland a lil lovin. Austin is my fave. Thank you, Austin, for your abundance of live music, excellent queso and migas, and really great running trails.


UCLA (1) over A&M (9): Oh how I would love to choose the faggies here. But that would just be straight up ignorant, wouldn’t it?

Drake (5) over San Diego (13): I feel like maybe if I had gone to Drake I would have been asked, “where do you summa?” Maybe I would say, “Walloon Lake, Michigan,” like Ernie.

Xavier (3) over Purdue (6): Xavier wins for originality. If I could use proper nouns in Scrabble, Xavier would come in handy. Damn Xs.

Duke (2) over West Virginia (7): A no-brainer, even for me. You know the blue devils are going to win a few.


EAST - Tennessee over UNC: I know this is completely overthrowing my color theory (orange over cougar blue?!), and both are pretty states. Just had to go with my gut on this one.

MIDWEST - Georgetown over Vanderbilt: If you haven’t been to Georgetown, you should really go. It has great little brick streets, H&M, tons of bars, and good restaurants.

SOUTH – Texas over Michigan State: Austin is my favorite city in Texas. Texas is my favorite state. Question: how the hell does Michigan State get put into the “South” bracket? I obviously don’t understand how these things work. That’s another reason Texas wins… it actually is in the South.

WEST – UCLA over Duke: I just want to cheer for UCLA’s players, whose names include: DeAndre (a favorite around 2620), Mustafa (Mustafa Mustafa Mustafa), Luc Richard Mdah a Moute (should we start a bet on where that guy’s from?), and Nikola (Ni-co-laaaaa, Ricola-style). So fun!


Georgetown over Tennessee: One time, I went running in Georgetown, and there were like, millions of really steep staircases all over campus. And hills. I just bet their players are in really good shape if they walk around that campus all the time.

UCLA over Texas: I am still an aggie at heart, and I secretly don’t want our rival school to win it big. Plus, I want to cheer for De Andre and Luc Richard a bit longer.


Georgetown over UCLA: Not much of an underdog, but an underdog just the same. Since my chances of winning anything in this tournament are slim to none, might as well, right?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

the bachelor. episode one.

I need to start this off by saying I do not support what The Bachelor stands for. I do not believe that this is a positive thing for young girls to see and think it's proper to behave that way.

Mr. Matt Grant, the Bachelor. I have one major problem with this all-Britain (as opposed to all-American) chap (British slang for "guy"). First off, he is only 27! That is three years older than me, which is my brother's age! To me, 27 is not the time to throw in the towel and say, "Bloody hell, I'm not getting any younger, I might as well throw myself onto a reality tv show and have women throw themselves at me, so hopefully I can meet someone." 27 is young. Way too young to say he can't find a woman to marry.

The girls...

Stacey-- This train wreck made her parents proud. I'm pretty convinced that this girl was probably pretty slutty back in her high school glory days and she had a few pregnancy scares, in turn causing her parents a lot of grief and headaches. And I bet when she walked across that stage to receive her "nutrition degree" (she knows a lot about health degrees too) her parents thought, "we did it. she's fine, she made it. she's an adult." Until last night. All of their worst fears came back to haunt them and once again, Stacey made mom and dad very proud.

Lesley-- The ole youth minister from Tampa wasted no time in turning water into wine. And she really did a fine job of showing all the young girls that look to her as an example that this is totally what Jesus would do. He would totally go on a ridiculous dating show to find "true love." Because we all know that the Bachelor is about finding a man who is going to love you as Christ loves the Church. Way to go, Lesley.

Shayne-- Shayne seems way too chill to be on the Bachelor. This could be good. I hope she continues to name drop her almost-famous, trivia question answer, actor father throughout the season. If you were curious Lorenzo Lamas' most "famous" role was in Grease. He shared a milkshake with Sandy for about a minute of screen-time.

Marshana-- I wonder if she actually has a job as a fashion designer or if she calls herself a fashion designer. Maybe we can find her new line at Big Lots in the fall.

I am glad he gave Amanda R. the first rose. Probably the best choice I've ever seen a Bachelor make. It's like he thought about it and weighed the pros and cons before he jumped to picking the girl. Props to him on that.

WTF on giving the clarinet player a rose.

Friday, March 14, 2008

a thank you, of sorts.

It has come to my attention lately that I most definitely have the greatest, most wonderful parents in the world. It has always been in the back of my head, but I have just recently come to realize how truly wonderful they are. My parents are perfectly suited for me, which is reason number 2,398 for proof that there is an all-knowing God responsible for my life. I would like to thank them for a few things and consequently give LJ and Reggie some props and shout outs, if you will.

Dear Reggie and Laurie, thank you for (in no particular order)...

-- Reading all of my "novels" and stories when I was child. Your support of the "Files of Lauren Cowling" and the encouragement to write a sequel is part of the reason why this blog exists today, so I think a lot of people will be thanking you for that.

-- Getting the Cowling house hooked up to the internet early in its life. And then thank you for purchasing a cable modem almost immediately after they came out. Because of that purchase I was able to chat away on IM and MSN without ever being kicked off.

-- Taking (dragging) me to Razorback games as a small child and letting me cheer against them with all of my might. Thanks for acting like it would be ok for me to attend school somewhere else. It's like somehow you'd knew I'd come around and eventually grow to love (despise) the Razorbacks as much as you (more Reg than Laurie on that one).

-- Always waking me up extra early for anything we went to in the morning, for dropping me off 30-minutes early to everything I ever attended and for basically teaching me the importance of time. It is because of you that I can drive 900 miles without stopping to use the restroom, that I've never been late to anywhere and that I'm considerate of other people's time.

-- Threatening to leave me in jail if I was ever arrested. Because of that threat I was terrified to ever do anything wrong and subsequently have never done anything wrong aside from forging notes to check-out of school in 11th grade, speeding a lot and getting some tickets, illegally downloading music and shoe polishing the high school windows.

-- Teaching me that expensive things are generally nicer than cheap things, but are not necessary to succeed in life. In other words, thanks for never really buying me super nice things because now as an adult I don't live a life of luxury and spend my money on thousand dollar purses and gold-plated teeth. Side note: my parents did buy me name brand clothes starting a semi-young age and because of that I never bought a piece of clothing from Target until 2007. They also gave into my Polo shirt addiction when I was in middle school because I stated, "I only want the shirts with the horse man." They also always splurged on basketball and soccer shoes. I guess really I only missed out on Doc Martens in middle school, Nike Triax shoes in middle school and expensive vacations.

-- Sitting through what was probably thousands of soccer and basketball games throughout my first 18 years of life. I can count the number of games my parents weren't at on three fingers. They also spent about four million bones on traveling the U.S. with my AAU basketball team even though I never saw an ounce of playing time. I had somehow convinced them and myself that I was infact going to play college basketball and that it would all even out when I got my scholarship to play for Pat Summitt. That didn't really happen as I had planned, but they have seen a lot of gymnasiums they would have otherwise never had an opportunity to see.

-- Teaching me that education is important. And instilling a love of History in me.

-- Loading up a U-Haul one Saturday and moving me to Dallas and then giving me some monies to live off of for a short period of time.

** This is the most important**

-- For taking me to church every Sunday. For forcing me to go to youth group when I was in junior high and just didn't want to go, for being (somewhat) ok with me working at a church and a summer camp in college, for showing me what it's like to be a devoted member of a church with their tithes, presence, gifts and prayers.

Obviously I could thank them for a million other things, but I'd need to write a book.

Monday, March 10, 2008

good idea/bad idea?

I am constantly wondering why people think things are good ideas. I am amazed at the way people make decisions. I consider myself to be a pretty reasonable person. I don’t make snap decisions, I rarely put together an outfit without consulting someone, I never purchase anything over 100 bones without talking to someone about it and I never wear tube tops.

Who gets to decide what goes on the “good idea list?” Who put tube tops on the list? Who put Paula Abdul’s “comeback” on the list? I have to speak to someone about this list and how to get things removed or added.

I have compiled a list of things currently on the good idea list that must be removed immediately upon finding said person in charge of the list.

1. Tube tops
2. Juicy Couture socks and Nike running shorts
3. Children with names that end in “aden/aiden/ayden.”
4. Carb-free diets
5. Scrunchies
6. Perms
7. Purchasing anything from a person who does business out of their van
8. Giving your number to a boy at a bar
9. Danity Kane
10. Couples who only have pictures that they took themselves-- I KNOW there is someone out there who would gladly snap a picture of you and your loved one-- JUST ASK.
11. Beanie Babies
12. The University of Mississippi (Ole Miss)
13. Throwing away $35 million of your personal fortune by running for president (no names, Mr. Mitt Romney)
14. Mariah Carey releasing a song called, “Touch My Body” and the mentioning of YouTube in the lyrics

** The Good Idea List will be an ongoing project.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

confessions part three (ange)

I secretly enjoy any excuse to open the cabinet under the kitchen sink. Every time those doors open and I’m flooded with the smell of miscellaneous cleaners… my heart smiles.

I have at least one bright pink sock underneath the couch. It’s been there about two weeks (maybe more) but I know if I ever pick it up it will be covered with dust… and I just don’t feel like dealing with that. So I choose to leave it there.

I hate it when people compare Baylor to SMU or SMU to Vanderbilt. The three are distinctively different and should not be considered “similar”. I did not go to any of the three so it probably shouldn’t bother me. But it does.

Your feet gross me out. All feet do (unless you are under 18 months of age). I don’t care what you say or how pretty you think your feet are… they are gross. End of discussion.

I used a fake ID in college... a lot. I was 17 and I just wanted to be able to go into bars. How was I going to make friends if I couldn’t even go out?

I hid the makeout lists. Because mine is too humiliating.

I don’t think dog fighting should be illegal. Unethical? Maybe. And don’t give me the argument about it being “inhumane.” Dogs are not human.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008


i just want to make it clear to everyone that, although i share this blog with LC, i do not share her political convictions, theories, opinions, or ideologies.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

confessions part two

* In 2004 I voted for John Kerry. I felt really strange about this for a long time. Honestly, I was voting against Bush, not for Kerry. Sometimes people don't believe me when I say that, but I already told you I voted for Kerry why wouldn't I just go ahead and say I supported him, too?

* I am a technology whore. I'm on my fourth cell phone since November 2007. I love computers.

* I wish I was married. Sue me.

* I miss Arkansas. I don't think that's a crime. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss hills and trees. I miss Wal-Mart, too.

* I love History. I could read about the past all day long. I hate the scientific revolution and most things that happened prior to 1700.

* I am judgemental. Mostly when it comes to people's poor use of grammar**, people's facebook profile pictures and of course people's lack of everyday knowledge in the fields of: spelling**, government, reality tv and the internet.

** Typos are different than spelling and grammatical errors. Everyone is human.

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