Thursday, September 8, 2011


I toe the line between being fiscally responsible and cheap.

I mean, I have a shirt in my closet that I bought in 10th grade. It still fits and I've worn it to work twice in the last year. That's just one example. Spending money just doesn't come super easy to me.

However, there are two areas that I absolutely refuse to skimp on: name brand toilet paper and cereal. I don't eat that much cereal, but I made a vow to myself and to my God long ago that I'd never eat (or buy) cereal out of a giant bag that can typically be found on the bottom of an aisle at the grocery store. I also refuse to drink cheap vodka, but that's a different story (and problem) entirely.

Anyway. I digress.

Back to the subject at hand: toilet paper and why I pay attention to it.

I do enjoy the finer things in life and that's why I prefer to use soft toilet paper. Since beginning to buy my own toilet paper in college I've typically been a Charmin gUrl. Sure, I've purchased Cottonelle from time to time, because hello! Have you seen that puppy on their label? And the commercials? Puppies sell shit (zing!).

However, lately Charmin has started to concern me. Ie; its commercials.

What in thee cornbread hell is up with that bear that can't properly wipe his own butt? Not only that, we have to see the mama bear come in and clean up the leftover toilet paper in baby bear's butt.

This is concerning for a number of reasons: First, why is the mama bear checking? Second, maybe she wasn't checking, maybe she just happened to notice it because the bears don't wear pants! Third, bears don't wipe their butts with toilet paper! Do they?

Maybe this is TMI for you, internetS, but personally, I think Charmin is the guilty party. What if they filmed these commercials with people instead of bears? Can you imagine? Gagsies. Have some decency, people.

As an adveritsing/marketing major in college I attempted to learn about the very subject of commercials and appealing to people in the way that after seeing an ad, said people would need said product. After seeing this commercial numerous times over the past few months the only thing I need is a barf bag.

Typically, a marketer aims to appeal to the decision maker. In most cases, the mother or children (for household items and food). I'm not a mother, but I have one and I tend to think like a child and I still cannot fathom how this appeals to anyone.

What household decision maker sees a mama bear picking toilet paper out of a baby bear's butt and decides they need that kind of toilet paper? On all things good and holy I hope zero.

[end rant.]

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