Tuesday, May 25, 2010

the hills: just friends.

Bro-Bro and K-Cav are enjoying, what's probably a Tuesday, with Jager bombs. Which, you would think after Bro-Bro's last gUrlie he'd stay away from that. I mean, do we not remeber Jay-de drinking Jager straight out the bottle at a party Bromance had?

Apparently Bro-Bro and K-Cav aren't dating, but they are dating...others.

Bro-Bro is still enjoying being single. As many times as he's said that, I'm even starting to believe him.

We meet up with AuddiePat and Joe Simpson's failed project. In a weird twist, Ryan says, "well, thanks for lunch, baby. " like AuddiePat cooked/fixed lunch for him It's a big, strange world, my friends.

They discuss AP wanting to hang out with her "friends" and Ryan at the same time. It turns into CabbiePatch saying he's going to read "Catcher in the Rye" in a candy thong. What's a candy thong and how does he know about that book?


StephiePratt and LoLo are strolling through LA. Stephie is ready for a man. After all, she's sober now. She claims to have let go of the Heidi and Spencer "baggage." But...this is MTV...yeah, right and who lets go of baggage that quickly...especially when you're a "recovering" alcoholic and it's your family? Her therapist must be on call 24/7.

"What'd you do today?" --LoLo
"Oh, I had an AA meeting." --StephiePratt
She always says shit like that so calmly, which both alarms me and makes me happy for her. I mean, she's not ashamed of it, but also...kind of a big deal to be in AA, not something you should just be glossing over all the damn time.

LoLo and "Scott" are setting StephiePratt up on a date, but she's super nervie that the guy might be worried about her being sober. I feel that, sister. But, I'm not sober. So, I don't.

"In a normal world, I should've just started drinking two years ago." --StephiePratt
Yeah, well this isn't a normal world and I'm sure you were 21 when you started drinking. Sure.


The besties, K-Cav and Auds are bestie-ing it up by eating popcorn in the middle of the afternoon. At one point, I think I saw someone actaully put a handful of food into their mouth. But, I watched the scene again and realized that it didn't happen.

AuddiePat encourages K-Cav to not get attached to Bromance Brody, she claims she isn't, but immediately picks up the phone to call him...and of course....he's schmoozin' some other lady (note: the word lady is being used loosely here).

Basically, K-Cav is upset that she's losing her benefits of being the King's friend.

The date between Brody and McKhaela (how the hell does she spell her name?) was painful.



CharlieBra thinks Brody should be cautious about bringing McKhaela around the flock of wild animals.

"She got all quiet and weird. Like a chick." --Brody, about K-Cav's reaction to his new gUrlie


StephiePratt and AuddiePat are just playing hangies.

Somehow, in the middle of a conversation about hanging out with their "friends" and RyanCabbagePatch StephiePratt makes the conversation about her date with MaxiPad. It was a really interesting spin on her part. I couldn't believe how smooth she made it seem. She clearly thought the conversation was about her the whole time. God forbid someone else share details about their life, StephiePratt.

She seems most excited about her date based on the simple fact that he has a car. Valid. I'm thinking she's excited about that because of her whole DUI thing and now, she won't have to worry about driving drunk, MaxiPad can do it.


We go to Jane's House and McKhaela mets the gUrlies. It's a big shit fest of love and StacietheBartender is even there! Basically, it was a waste of production money to even film this idiotic group gathering.

Brody created drama. K-Cav got bitchy.

Bromance and McKhaela left early.


In a new move from the show, we meet up with K-Cav and StacietheBartender the "next morning" de-briefing about all the previous evening's happenings. K-Cav refuses to call McKhaela by her name and refers to her simply as, "that girl."

In a twist, StacietheBartender tells K-Cav, "I told you so."


StephiePratt and LoLo are going on a date. Question: When did LoLo get a boyfriend? Why didn't we know this and why have we never seen him? Seems mighty convenient, Hills Producers. Might convenient.

"What color shoes are these, just black?" --LoLo about an obviously black pair of shoes

StephiePratt doesn't want to wear the hot shoes because she doesn't want MaxiPad to think she's all slutty and stuff, remember: she's also got to tell him that, at the young age of 23, she's a recovering alcoholic and has baggage in the form of a crazy-ass-brother (CAB) who carries trunks of crystals around in his car.

We learn that MaxiPad is a model, but he's young! He's only 24! No! But, they are making it seem like he has a job. Win. Win. Win.

MaxiPad asks StephiePratt for her number. It was kind of awkward and cute, but that could've been because he was forced to ask her for it. Or because he actually did it on his own and he was really nervous. Toss-up.

K-Cav and Brody meet up at his bachelor pad and K-Cav, AGAIN, refuses to hug Brody. So, basically, she'll hit it with this guy, who she isn't dating, but she won't freely give him hugs. Bold.

"I said hello to her!" --K-Cav
"You said hello and then you sat down with the wolfpack and ksdjfhkhfgkgfhgkhkdfgsh!" --Brody

K-Cav bares her soul to Bromance and tells him he needs to get his shit together and not be all over other girls in front of her. Then, she says they are friends. Then, she tells him to shut up like four times and she gets up and leaves. She really got her point across. I mean, what was her point? She was giving it up and now she's disappointed that he's no longer interested in taking it?

These people are so all over the place.


This epi was super lame and boring because The Pratties were not involved at all. We only got a brief mention of them! I'm guessing this is because the gUrlies decided to "cut them out of their lives forever." But...when has that actually ever happened on this show? I mean, not too long ago K-Cav and AuddiePat were physically fighting each other over JustinBobby and now they are daytime hangies all the time.

On the positive side, I didn't need a Xanax this epi, but I also almost fell asleep. Multiple times.

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