Tuesday, May 24, 2011

the bachelorette: the dentist.

When catching up with The Dentist we learn that...The Dentist is a dancer, y'all! So, she's a double-threat. Kind of like Tyra.

The Rocky references were so unbelievable that I didn't believe what I was hearing.

Oh, she's only bringing one suitcase. Joke.

Chris Harrison breaks it down and begs the question, "Why didn't Ashley really tell Brad how she felt?"

"I genuinely want better for the world." --Ryan
That's so different...because most people want really, really shitty shit for the world.

"The only thing stronger than the sun is love." --Ryan
Nope, can't do it.

This next guy (I missed his name due to fast-forwarding) says on a scale of 1 to 10 of romance, he's about a 215. Where the hell are they finding these dudes? 215? I think that makes you a gay man, sir.

Bentley is a single father! And he named her after how you want to feel in bed.

"What if she doesn't eat meat?" --Butcher's dad
Such a valid question.

So far they have shown seven men and they've showed three of them without shirts.

Chris greets the Dentist as she gets out of the limo and gives her a pep talk. In my mind, I bet the pep talk included three to four glasses of white wine that they edited out. Or maybe that's just a pep talk that I give.

Chris asks her some questions and without any hesitation she got really whiney and all dumb. Blahblahblah. It's a television show.

She got really excited about meeting a fellow dentist. Has she ever met another dentist? I mean, not that I'm a dentist or could be a dentist...but, it's not that rare to be a dentist. Is it? Is there a shortage of dentists on the East Coast? Or just in the reality television world?

[I'm hitting my head against a wall.]

Why did that guy pick her up and put her on his shoulder?

Every time one of these guys gets out of the limo I'm convinced I know him. I guess a lot of these guys look like guys I took business classes with my freshman year in college.

Did he really try to kiss her? He was weirdsies.

That guy has on a mask. I can't even think of anything witty to say about it. Just: that guy has on a mask.

I like that Ben got out of the limo with some booze in hand. I mean, why not? I'm going to need to be drunk to finish watching this.

Was that Lance Bass?

The Dentist finally heads inside and she gives some BS speech about feelings and trust and flossing.

The Dentist thinks it's a good thing to be a mama's boy and I'm not so sure. Like, I want everyone to get along with their mother, but...I don't know. I think this guy just thought his mom would like to talk to a "celebrity." I did enjoy her fantasy suite advice. Such valid information: your mothers ARE watching. Actually, lots of mothers are watching. And they're all ashamed of/for you.

I like that guy from the Jersey Shore that was just bitching about that mask.

"The guy in the mask is an effing weirdo...I'm not kidding. That's effing creepy." --Tim

The men are getting worried that "something is going to happen tonight" because Tim put a pillow between him and the masked dude on the couch. Do you know how often I put something between me and someone else when I sit down and nothing happens? Every day. Maybe he just doesn't like sitting close to people. I know I don't. Is that a crime?

Ben really rocked those cue cards. He could be looking at a second career there.

I feel like a liquor distributor should be able to hold his liquor a little better than that, Tim. Come on. You're making your profession look terrible.

"I can identify with wasted opportunities." --The Dentist
For a second, I really thought she was going to say, "I can identify with being wasted."

OMG. That dude snoring makes me angry. It reminds me of all the times I've been woken up by someone snoring. (Wow. I feel like I just really connected with the Dentist.)

"I'm not hear to party my ass off." --Jeff
Honestly? Sounded like he said, "party my mask off." BOOM.

In my personal opinion, if you're going somewhere looking for "an adventure" you should go like, white water rafting or rappelling, NOT to a mansion in LA.

"I want people to call me cupcake." --The Dentist
I just threw up.
It's everywhere.

She said her friend sent her a text about "watching out" for Bentley, but I think a really good friend would send her a text and say, "Don't go on that piece of shit show, you're a dentist for crying out loud. Have some respect for yourself. You aren't Rihanna."

Solar Energy Boy got the first impression rose and Bentley is pissed, because although he's not attracted to her, he is competitive. Uh-oh. Someone is here for all the wrong reasons. What we will do?

"Thank you for taking the time out of your lives to be here." --The Dentist
She better thank me, too. I'm not even getting paid to watch this shit carnival.

There's a guy named Constantine?! How'd I miss that? Is he a vampire?

JP said, "Hell yeah!" to accepting the rose and a little bit of me died on the inside. Is he really excited about this or does he just throw that expression around casually?

These guys that got kicked off are worrying me...like...did they know her longer than 8 hours? Like, what. the. hell. That one guy said his whole family was in love with her. And what about the one who said he didn't know how to feel anymore? Boy, you got kicked off of a reality show. The Roman Catholic Church didn't ex-communicate you! Man up. My word.

Anyway. They showed some scenes from the upcoming season, but I didn't (see: couldn't) watch it because I want to be surprised by all the dramatic things that won't actually be all that dramatic.

Here's to flossing.


Hannah Kennedy Howe said...

hahahahaha, enjoyed the read :-)

Jenn said...

I'm glad yet another ridiculous season of The Bachelorette is on solely because of your blogs!! Hysterical!

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