the bachelor: WTA.

This "Women Tell All" epi should be called "The Women Vaguely Describe Their Experiences." What a crock.

Chris came out and told us that fans are/were "angry" about Bach Brad being selected for a second season of this bullshit. I mean, I can see that, but who really wrote in to this show to express their emotion? I don't believe it.

Chrissy Poo sat down with the Bach and we got our 400th recap of the season. I basically learned ZERO from Bach's interview.

We were then treated to a really special clip of 70 or so rejects from former seasons of the Bachelor/Bachelorette casts making incredibly poor decisions. It was a real treat to see Vienna though! It was like seeing a gUrl from high school at church over Christmas vacay: you're totally pumped to talk about her after you walk away, but you're also terrified with face-to-face interaction. Gia said Vienna was her best friend, but then she called her a skank. Which, I can get behind because some of my closest friends are total skanks (SHOUT OUT).

Doesn't Chris want more for his life...for his career?

This is the part where I got really bored.
(Before, I was only partially bored.)

What happened to the Dentist? I swear I just saw her like, a week ago and she looked normal. Now she looks like a hairdresser from a small town in central Minnesota-- just doesn't quite work for her. And. I mean, no way you can get that tan in Philly. In the winter. Just no way.

That 32-year-old former waitress had some mega clips during the "drama" reel, as did Rachel.

Madison is weird, but I think we'd be friends.

BOOM. CAM (Crazy Ass Michelle) gets ROASTED after the drama clips and we get our first real glimpse of her tank top covered in hearts...you read that correctly: tank top covered in hearts.

Marissa was really upset that CAM called the gUrls "little gUrls." She actually said it was "hurtful," which made me laugh because...really? That's what hurt your feelings? That?! Grow up.

"It's not funny. It's FU$$E& up." --Jackie
My feelings about all of this. Really.

What is this drama about being in it for the "right reasons?" I'm sorry. It's a competition. It is. 30 gUrls for one dude. If you're really looking for a husband, there are better places to look with much better odds. Why leave your kid and all that garbage with the odds of success so low? Makes very little sense to me. And I'm not even a math major.

Melissa was so eager to "find love with Brad," but she wasn't eager to dress half-way decent on this show.

CAM called Melissa a "cougar" but, I think they are about eight months apart in age. Clearly, there's a very distinct age cutoff for Cougar classification that I'm unaware of.

Rachel, the manscaper, has to interject.

"I thought about this in great depth." --Rachel
#LOL. Bahahahaha. Yeah, right.

At least 12 gUrls blamed "drama" and other "ladies" for Brad not picking them...yes, that's why you weren't picked. Idiots.

This is the worst thing I've ever written on this web log, but: is it just me or is Melissa a really roughed up version of Gwyneth Paltrow? I mean, really rough.

CAM starts bawling almost immediately, but in between her chunky jewelry and her heart tank top she revealed just how vulnerable she is and Chrissy Poo thinks she is hilarious. What is she wearing? She had to have found every single article she has on in a completely different location than the other pieces. And it must have been dark. Like, real dark.

CAM, again, says she has no idea how she got a black eye. Come on, gUrl. COME. ON. It's a black eye, not a hang nail.

CAM put a lot of pressure on herself to find herself a husband, that's why she turned into a crazy-ass-shit-show. I mean, gUrl, I feel that. Everywhere I go I'm looking for a husband, but I've never given myself a black eye, I've never worn a tank top covered in hearts...it just doesn't add up. If you really feel that much pressure and if you're really looking that hard for love: get on the damn internetS.

Stacey, the bartender (not from the Hills), got real personal when she called CAM a bad mother. I can't speak to that, but I seriously doubt she's ever won an award for mothering. But, she doesn't seem Dina Lohan-ish or anything. At least not yet.

"A spider? A SPIDER?!" --CAM
These people get upset about the weirdest shit.

"I couldn't even watch it." --Jackie
That's how I feel. I don't know how I do this week after week.

"I'm just being me. I don't know how else to be." --CAM
One of my favorite excuses of all time. I used to use it a lot.

I don't know that gUrl's name, but there's no way she could roll her eyes any farther back in her head. That was impressive.

The Babysitter sits down in the hot seat, but we didn't get to see them sing Seal's "Kiss From a Rose" again. I. AM. MAD.

I'm always so blown away by these gUrls, who all possess a brain, that legitimately think this is their one shot at love and this is a great way to find love. How did society get to this point? I didn't grow up thinking that my best option to find love was to go on television. I grew up thinking that going to church and joining a young-singles Sunday school class was the best way to find love.

The Dentist finally gets her shot. And...she has on glitter eye shadow and really bright red lipstick. gUrl, this is not your best look.

The Dentist is really upset that she blew her shot with Brad. I hope she's actually upset that she lost the competition, because I personally think that anybody who gets kicked off this show is getting an early Crimmas gift.

What was the voice when she said, "I feel like a changed woman. I really, really do." Maybe it was an inside joke. I hope so anyway.

Bach Brad comes out and...I have to give it to him. He really played up that charm, didn't he? And he has a good publicist who coached him very well: he complimented all the gUrls, he acted nervous and for a few minutes he made me feel like he wasn't a giant asshole. BUT, then I remembered this is a television show and it's all bullshit.

HUGSIES ALL AROUND!

I fast forwarded through the orphanage part.
Judge me.

Chris says Brad isn't getting a third season... I really hope there's a legal document stating that somewhere.

I would enjoy watching this show more if they showed the clips of people laughing. Isn't humor good television, too?

Oh, good! Another recap! I wouldn't ever know what happened on this show if they didn't recap it every nine minutes. (That was me being really sarcastic and funny like CAM.)

I have no idea who Bach Brad is going to choose...I like Emily a lot. Therefore, I hope she doesn't get picked or that she runs like hell next week. She's way too good for this crap.

This was honestly one of the most boring things I've ever watched on television. Seriously. Can I sue the producers for false advertising for constantly telling me what I'm about to view is the most dramatic thing I've ever seen? You know what? Cowling Family Thanksgiving 2004 was 187 times more dramatic than this show has ever claimed to be. Hell, an episode of "Hannah Montana" could be more dramatic. I mean, that gUrl has a split personality and a father who is a complete enabler. Now, that's dramatic.

Side note: I'd like to give a SHOUT OUT to my gUrl, KATHAR, out in Malibu. She had a birthday yesterday, which was overshadowed by the Bachelor. HAPPY BURRDAY, gUrl.

1921.

In 1921, my grandmother, Bonnie Bell was born. With her birth, a whole new genre of greatness was born. And as you can figure out, her birth eventually lead to the Reg's birth, which ultimately lead to my birth, which gets us to this very moment in time.

Without my grandmother's life and her almost perfect portrayal of a stoic, yet loving, homemaker and southern woman I wouldn't be who I am. She was athletic, intelligent and crafty. She was MacGyver, but my grandmother. She loved the Lord and she loved me. She told me to do better, to try harder and then taught me how to do so.

She wasn't exactly "warm," but I've never experienced warmth and love like you could find at 500 Browning Street (literally and figuratively, because my grandfather was known to build a fire if the temperature dropped below 75) . She may not have been delicate, but she knew how to take care of things. And people.

I'd never call her a party animal, but when she laughed, everyone laughed. She couldn't carry a tune in a dump truck, but when she sang, everyone sang.

She made you want to do well and do right. She made you want to succeed and be the best.

She loved the Razorbacks and made sure no one wearing burnt orange ever entered her home.

If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't love chocolate chip cookies with the fervor that I do and really, I wouldn't think or act how I do.

She's the reason for so many things.

She was and is my hero.

If she were still alive, she'd be 90 in two days. I'd give anything to cut up a watermelon with her or put on an ugly pink suit and stand in front of a bush. Hell, I'd love to go to the lake and lay-out. I'd even be willing to sit and stare at a Christmas tree with her if it meant getting even a moment of her time.

Happy Burrday, Grandmother Bonnie. I really hope they serve pan-fried chicken and chocolate pie on Sunday-- or maybe some of that really weird fluffy pink stuff that you used to fancy. I'm still so proud to be your granddaughter...and I'm really sorry I live in Texas now.

questions answered.

This is clearly where every ounce of my personality comes from.

the bachelor: epi 8.

OMG. South Africa, y'all.

Brad can tie his shoes and that's more reassuring than most people can probably comprehend. He can't breathe without consulting a therapist, so watching him tie shoes on his own, is HUGE. During his shoe tying, he takes us through the gamut of emotions he's feeling and we discover that, more than anything, Bach Brad "does NOT want to be that guy again." You know what? I don't want him to be either. I can't handle a third season of him and his baggage.

I'm super excited that during the "connection" montage they showed Chantal's flight attendant scarf and the white shirt moment-- easily her two finest moments this season.

And, then he described being with the Dentist as "magic." Or drug induced. Can't tell.

We can't forget Barbie, who makes Brad a "much better self." What. That's not a question. That's: WHAT.

Finally Brad gets to the Lion Sands (who named it that?) Resort and Brad's confident he isn't going to end up alone. And what's so ironic about that is that the brilliant ABC producers made him go on a safari all alone, while he did a voice over about South Africa being dangerous. (Also: I have a very strong feeling that in less than a year he will be alone.)

If I have ever seen anyone on network television look as dumb as Brad does in his safari hat and old man sandals, then I have definitely blocked it out of my mind. So, Channy and Bach Brad go on a safari and saw a lion and basically shit their pants. And then saw a weird, but gorgeous, giraffe. (Side note: That "he" lion that they kept calling "big" was totally a gUrl lion. Have they not ever seen Lion King?)

The Bach and Channy pop a squat in the "bush," as Brad INSISTS on calling it and have a little picnic. Brad thinks this picnic is a "test" for their relationship and I can't even begin to explain his rationale behind that. Channy feels safe with Brad even though they are surrounded by lions and hippos and newsflash, baby gUrl, Brad ain't gonna be able to protect shit from a lion. A lion?! That thing would tear you apart. Come on.

They start their conversation over dinner discussing EVERYTHING (sarcasm) from comfort to engagement to marriage...OMG... and Channy tells Brad that if she's getting engaged she might as well get married right there (I must admit, I share her sentiments on that, BUT...not when I've known somebody for such a short period of time and I'm on a friggin' television show.)

Oh, shit, they are going to get married in South Africa. Oh. Shit. If he proposes, that's the surprise twist this season! They'll just get married there! Oh, Lawd! Oh, Lawd!

The fantasy suite is a "tree house" in the middle of South Africa. Where's the bathroom? Seriously. Where's the bathroom?

"You're a special person." --Channy, to Brad

That's usually not a compliment.

Emily and Bach Brad meet up and Emily has two, maybe three, buttons buttoned on her shirt. Brad has on sweat pant shorts, which is better than his previous outfit, so I'll just go with it.

"It's possible a lion could come eat me." --Emily

She makes a very valid point.

Instead of a helicopter, Brad shows up on a (there's no other way to say it) MOTHER EFFING elephant. It's not exactly a white horse, but it'll work. And seriously, Brad just looks giddy. Like, seriously. It's actually kind of cute. The elephant plops down for Barbie to get on and Brad just says, "come on." Like, he just pulled up in a convertible or something and is all, "get in." except it's an elephant!

Brad tells her he misses Lil Ricki' and, where that's sweet, it's also weird. I can understand that maybe he would enjoy spending more time with her or something, but he misses her? Really? I'm calling his bluff on that one.

"Are you ready for a five-year-old?" --Barbie, to Bach

"Yep, yep..."

Oh, well, aren't we all ready for that? Sign me up, too!

Brad is so weird around Emily. It's painful to watch. At first it was sweet, now it's painful. Like, dude, she's a real person. Just get your shit together already. Emily says, "you know" over dinner at least 112 times. At least. By the end of the dinner, I'm confident in saying that, no, I don't know.

The Barbie totally fakes us out by pretending that, as a mother, she cannot accept the fantasy date card. She does say she wants to "stay up talking all night" though...I'd really like some confirmation on that one. Like, did he braid her hair? (And, OMG, did we see his face when she actually said yes to the fantasy suite? I really thought he was going to explode right there.)

They get back to the suite and Emily, in all her sequin skirt glory, tells Brad that she IS falling love with him. I thought he was going to start crying right there. I do hope they eventually moved off that tiny and terrible wicker love seat though-- even if they were just staying up to talk all night.

We finally meet up with the Dentist, BUT, not before the Bach takes us on yet another geography lesson. Listen up! It's a LONG way from Miasdkfjhsdkh, Maine to South Africa. Well, no shit Sherlock!

Who let the Dentist wear those shorts? It's like she went to Abercrombie & Fitch right before she left.

Oh, good! A helicopter! I was worried we'd go two episodes in a row WITHOUT a helicopter. The dentist says this is her number one fear ever and I just don't understand that...Most fears are fears we are probably faced with on a regular basis. How often are you given the opportunity to ride in a helicopter, little lady? That's just not a rational number one fear.

(Really LOVED the Bach's voice over during the helicopter ride about how pretty South Africa is, "You know, I had no idea how beautiful South Africa is. I really didn't. It's a very beautiful land filled with some very exotic wild animals." Can't you just see that as a photo caption? BAH!)

Three dates, three picnics.

Cheers to the Dentist's family! Brad brings up the tough questions real quick. Of course, it's a geography question, but...he does need to know where she wants to live. She does not mention Austin. She does mention Southern Maine. Which, obviously, who doesn't think about Southern Maine when picking a place to live?

Brad spent his 20s working in a bar, but he did enjoy those years and you better not think otherwise!

The tough topics keep on coming during dinner! And this makes for some great television.

I honestly don't think that the Dentist has even thought about having to move, if she's chosen, at the end of this. Seriously. It's like, they connected one time over their homeless dads and then just giggled the rest of the time or something. Now, she's saying she'd be happy to move to Austin. And then, it just got awkward. Just awkward.

You could tell half way through the date it hit her, it was like she really did think to herself, "Oh, crap...the tv show ends...what if I have to move? Do they have dental offices in Texas? OMG...The carnival is over." You know what? Her carnival is over. Especially when she said, "I feel like you're just looking for a wife and someone who just fits into your plans." ZING! Busted.

"I don't want to throw you off." --Bach Brad

Ouchies! Don't you just usually phrase it around not getting a rose? And now we're calling it "being thrown off?" Oopsies.

She still accepts the fantasy date and sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo awkward. I just really hope she didn't give it up. Not after this. Not. after. this.

Brad meets up with his fill-in therapist, Chris, and Brad assures us this situation does not compare to his former stint on the show at all. Side note: Is Chris Harrison's wedding ring a band with a heart on it?

"I feel like I've known Emily for a decade." --Bach

So, you met when she was 14 and you were 28.

That's illegal.

I think we all saw this coming: Brad doesn't even go through the rose ceremony. And you know what? I applaud him on that move. He knew. She knew. We knew. So obvious.

Their talk was sad. I really don't think the Dentist even thought for a second what she should do if she was chosen. I think she just thought it would work and they would figure it out. But, helllllllllo, he's 38 and you have to move to Austin.

"What's wrong with you?" --Bach, to the Dentist

What the hell do you think is wrong, asshole?

The hug Brad gave her as she got into the car was a little much for me. The kiss on the head? Really? Really?

The Dentist is upset that she couldn't fake a smile and say goodbye to the Bach. I think it's interesting that that's her first thought. She held herself together pretty well-- didn't really get too crazy, which is pretty surprising. I would've pegged her for a psycho upon leaving.

The other gUrls are acting all shocked that Brad is walking back alone. Oh, come on, they were gone for like, 2 hours. You aren't surprised, you're relieved.

Brad isn't looking for four years or 15 years. He's looking for a lifetime. And I ain't talking about the television network.

The "ladies" accept their roses and yet again, the episode fails to deliver on the promise of "most dramatic episode ever." It wasn't even in the top 10 of dramatic. Pretty high on the awkward list though. Like, real high.

dear rihanna.

Dear Rihanna,

As a partial fan of your music, I have a few things to share with you that are causing me concern. I'd like to state that I'm concerned, because you, like all men (and women) were created in the image of God by God and I don't think you understand that.

I can understand that you went through a very painful and traumatic event in the public eye and that you don't want to be seen as a victim, so you decided to come back and prove that Chris Brown was not going to keep you down, but...I feel like coming off as a whore and parading around on television in clothes that had to have been made for a prostitute is not the way to do it.

And your music? I'll be the first to admit that "Umbrella" was life-changing for me. Oh, that song! That song! Still speaks to my heart. But, your more recent singles, particularly, "Rude Boy," "What's My Name," and "S&M" are incredibly disturbing. The lyrics are too much to post on this web log and the videos are even worse.

gUrl, what happened to you? I know you've been hurt, but God loves you. A lot. To him, you are beautiful and pure. You don't have to be like this, this is a decision you made on your own. I just don't understand...surely, you have some self-respect? Right...?

I mean, seriously-- you can do better. I believe in you. Really.

I'd be happy to show you the bridge diagram sometime and tell you a story of heart-changing redemption through the work of Jesus Christ. It's a good one! Just think about it.

Anyway, lovies.

-lc

the bachelor: epi 7.

We start off the epi and apparently Bach Brad lost his stylist. Who let him put that hat on his head? He starts us off with a geography lesson on all the places they have visited. We then get a recap of his relationship with each gUrl. I cannot believe I have to watch this again.

ChannyChan blahblahblahed on about something and her ex-husband and I quit listening. Bach Brad says he missed Chan and then Brad wanted to know about the floor plan of her house. Brad almost started crying when Chan said, "If they don't like you, you're out."

Brad walks in Chan's house and immediately bonds with the dumbest looking dog and cat I've ever seen on television. Was that dog even real? It looks like a fake dog you can buy at Walgreen's.

"I want to be Boca's friend." --Bach Brad, on the dog

It's an effing dog, dude.

"I feel ready to move to Austin for love." --Chan

Don't forget about the water conservation meetings!

Chantal's parents live in a castle. Or something really close to a castle. I think her mom is actually Marie Osmond. Her dad could be Donny. How old are they?! 40?! They sat down to dinner and they just giggled and giggled. I thought someone may have slipped them some meth. I can't believe Chan's parents are so rich and she dresses so poorly. I guess money can't buy you class. Chan starts pooring out her heart and her dad is just a deer in the headlights with a bright purple shirt on.

Bach Brad and Chan's dad, who's wearing a pretty interesting pair of bootcut jeans, go outside to check out a really massive sculpture of a "self-made man." I'm fairly confident he either ordered that off of Amazon or Overstock.com. Then, Brad starts crying again when he bonds with ChanDad over their homeless fathers.

Did you see that wine room? Mike, the dad, must've been drinking a shit ton of wine because he gave his blessing for marriage without Bach Brad even asking for it! That wasn't even hard!

Next up: Mashksdhfkdhkgh, Maine. Seriously, what was that town name? The Dentist's heart is really warmed by just being in her hometown.

The Dentist worked at a bar...in high school? I think that's illegal. Brad says he could live in Mashksdhfkdhkgh, but I don't think he realizes that the Dentist lives in Philly. Not Mashksdhfkdhkgh.

Brad orders up some cheese fries and gravy and I've never wanted to throw-up so bad in my life after watching them feed each other cheese fries AND gravy. I just wish they would have gotten the ladle out.

"We're in Maine!" --The Dentist

I was in the Geography Bee in 7th grade and I'm still learning something new on this show every week.

Uh-oh. The Dentist is only on her way to falling in love...the other gUrls dropped that bomb shows ago...she's so far behind.

The Dentist walks into her home and screams at the top of her lungs and then form tackles almost everyone in the living room. The whole family cuddles up to Brad as he tells the story of how they met. You know what's funny? The story of how they met isn't much of a story as much as it is a scripted television show.

This family likes to laugh. I like that, but the random screaming is continuing to throw me off. And Chrystie? Oh, Chrystie. She must have more tattoos than the rest of the state of Maine combined.

Bach Brad sits down with the guy in the yellow plaid shirt. I don't know who he is. I must have missed the bar that told me his name. I thought her dad was homeless and Canadian. I'm guessing step dad. Her family is much more skeptical than Chan's...hello, normal family! Thank you for recognizing this is a show.

Chrystie says the time is NOW. NOW. It's perfect.

Mom and Dentist go and cuddle up on a hotel bed? Where are they?

I want a puff of whatever those people are smoking. I mean, the energy level in that family is insane. They must consume five-hour energy drinks by the gallon.

And we're off to the funeral home and cemetery! I mean, this gUrl really knows how to woo a man, right?!

"Death has been a big part of my life since I was a little gUrl." --Shawntel

Oh...ok...

When Brad walks into the mausoleum and goes into kiss Shawn he's just staring all around. He looks straight-up creeped out. Ok, now I am creeped out. Did you really just turn on the fire to the cremation station?

Shawn convinces Brad to lie down on the embalming table and she's convinced that he's comfortable. Which makes her an idiot. Who would be comfortable doing that?! Brad admits that he doesn't deal with death well. I think Shawn is upset. But, gUrl, death is hard. That doesn't mean people are scared or creeped out, it means they are sad!

We go and meet Shawn's family and she's obviously adopted because everyone is blonde. Oh, your sister's name is Destiny? I don't have enough space on the internetS to share my thoughts on that.

Is Brad ano? He has a piece of meat and two tiny baby pieces of something green on his plate.

It's not awesome the way Shawn's dad talks in the third person. And OMG. He is upset when Shawn even mentions the city of Austin. He's probably heard how weird it is (ZING!). Uh-oh, Dad starts laying on the guilt trip and tells Shawn that the WHOLE ENTIRE COMMUNITY would be affected by her move to Austin. Really, dad? The whole town? I'd like to believe that the whole town of Russellvillle, Arkansas is still reeling from my departure nine years ago, but, you know what? They aren't.

Cool creepy drawing of your daughters there, Dad. PSYCH.

Plot twist! Daddy Bear gives a marriage blessing before Bach Brad even asks! What is this?! What is wrong with these men? Make this son of a bitch do work!

We make our way down south and meet up with Barbie Emily and her daughter...Little Ricki...oh, don't. get. me. started.

Brad shows up with a big ass box. He knows the way to a kid's heart-- STUFF.

Lil' Ricki is being a bit of a "pill," as my mother used to say. Good thing she's cute. But, of course, she takes the present. Oh, a butterfly kite! How great...I mean, it is windy out, Bach!

First Emily is calling Brad her "friend"and then she starts calling him "Mr. Brad." Talk about confusion. She should just be up front with the kid. "Hey kid, mama's been lonely and sad. And mama needs to move on with her life, so I made the really terrible, yet great, decision to let my love-life unfold on television and now I'm subjecting you to this, BUT, he did bring you this kite, so can you please suck it up for Mama? Ok, lock it up, gUrl!"

Let's be honest, Lil' Ricki doesn't need that ole dumb ass kite. Check out that playroom. She has a giant stuffed horse! And a house! And a computer!

Emily lets Brad tell Lil' Ricki goodnight and it's just precious, minus the fact that this small child who's father died before she was even born is being subjected to this trashy television show.

Emily starts being a little affectionate. Mama Bear feels at home, Brad! Get some of that! OH, burn! He ain't gonna do it. And she couldn't look more upset.

"If this works out, she'll always be upstairs sleeping." --Barbie Mom

Zing! If that's not an invitation, I don't know what is.

Brad leaves and everyone is weird. To make it weirder he says, "I don't want to leave weird." Well, quit being an asshole. OMG. Way to go, Barbie! Look at that! I'm so proud of her.

Chris steps in as therapist again for the week and I just have to say-- he's not doing anybody any favors by wearing that cardigan under his suit. Chris, you have to be rolling in cash by now. This is the 15th season of this show. Please consult someone before going on camera with your outfit choices.

Chris is a terrible therapist! He's just re-capping the show I just watched for two hours. Hello, I just saw this and I don't want to puke any less now than I did the first time I watched it.

Chris goes in to brief the ladies on what is going to happen...do they really not know? Chan, what is your hair?! Are you going to prom?

OMG.

There are three roses and FOUR "ladies."

Talk about drama!

The final rose comes down to Shawn and Chan and let's be honest, it was time for one of them to go. They have the same name it's just spelled completely different. No one is shocked by his decision to send Deathly Hallows gUrl home. She has a business to inherit. And I mean, I'm all about enjoying your job and being passionate about it, but you don't have to force it on people, gUrl.

Brad wants to give Shawn his jacket and like a strong, independent woman (SHOUT OUT DESTINY'S CHILD) she says, "NO." Love that. Take your jacket and your rose and shove it, Brad. Also, Get your hand off my knee.

The Dentist, in a moment of clarity says, "That's going to be one of us next week." OMG. Someone finally gets the premise of the show!

Shawn is upset. She cries. She says she didn't see it coming.

"I've never been treated like that in a relationship." --Shawn

Oh, you've never gone on a helicopter on a second date before? One word: TELEVISION.

Again, Brad ends the show with a geography lesson. I'm beginning to think he's working on his GED or something and this is his way to study for geography tests by always talking about the "amazing" places he's visited.

This epi was kind of lame. I think it's because CAM is off working on a Lifetime movie somewhere and none of the gUrls were able to interact with each other. I don't have to say it, but this week did not live up to the tagline, "Most dramatic episode ever."

president's day.

If you know me or have ever had the extreme pleasure of conversing with me in person, you know the basics about me: I love the Lord Jesus, I love a cold drink and a good cuss word and of course, I freakin' love the Presidents of the United States of America. You probably know that Franklin Pierce, our nation's 14th President is far and away my favorite, but really, I love them all with the same passion.

Because of this deep love for these men and this great country, I want everyone to enjoy this day. I want everyone to throw their hands in the air and wave them like they DO care. Tell someone, "Happy President's day," and mean it. Share a fun fact, share a not-so-fun fact-- take pride in the fact that we live in a country where we elect our leaders and then throw them out when they suck. Rally around the cry that a self-educated man born in a log cabin who suffered from extreme depression could become POTUS or that a dude who was once a prominent actor could rise to be the most powerful man in the world.

To get you started, here are some ideas on how to enjoy this day like a POTUS would...

You could skinny dip in a lake or river like John Quincy Adams...you could go on a shopping spree at Brooks Brothers like William Howard Taft...you could go to the dentist and get some wooden teeth like George Washington...you could rent a house at the Jersey Shore like Presidents Grant, Arthur, Hayes, Harrison, McKinley, Wilson and Garfield (who died at the Shore, actually)...you could drink in excess like Franklin Pierce and then quote scripture, you could play the saxophone for your cat like Clinton...the list goes on and on...

Don't let this day pass you by.

And if you feel like it might, just ask yourself, "What would POTUS do?" and PARTY!

**You can also enjoy this dance video I made of all the Presidents in wearing Polo.