This season's tool (Bachelor) is Texas-bred and based, Jake. Jake is the exact opposite of a person I would want to have a conversation with, much less date. I mean, check the calendar-- it's 2010 and this kid was wearing a beaded necklace that he had to have bought at a Wings store in South Padre around the turn of 1996 or maybe, 1998. He shouldn't have bought it then and he definitely shouldn't be wearing it now.
I guess he seems nice enough. He has convinced several women to do really stupid things for him. Example: last night Tenley (the divorcee) did a solo dance for him that she choreographed from her heart. Well, I'd hate to see what her head would come up with because it sucked. Not only did it suck, but the music was "Canon in D." Sound familiar? Well, it ain't because it was my brother's hand bell choir's favorite song to play. It's because a lot of brides walk down the aisle to it. Subtle much? Throw yourself at many men, Tenley?
Last night for the first time, maybe ever, I found myself shocked because somebody did something smart on this show. Ali, the fresh-faced blond from Massachusetts AND San Fransisco left the show so she wouldn't lose her job. Finally! A good move. An empowering moment for all women, everywhere. I'll forgive the prior moment in the show where she took Jake to her dead grandmother's house and introduced him to her and then later said, "I think she definitely gave her blessing tonight." Talk about creepy. I'll also forgive the part where after she told Jake she might be leaving she literally threw herself down in the middle of the hotel hallway and cried. I mean, have some decency and at least sit against the wall or something. Did you really have to sit in the middle of the hallway?
Ali, (I know you're reading this...because, really, isn't everyone?) I salute you. Thanks for not thinking it's alright to just throw away your career (Lord, I pray it's a career and not a part-time job at Bath and Body Works) for some tool-bag reality show gamer. Big props to you for thinking more highly of yourself and what you're working for than most of the other women who go on this show and throw away everything only to realize, "Oh, hey...I guess I've only known this guy for 2 weeks and we've only been on one date and six other girls were there...maybe it's not serious."
No, but, seriously-- I'm not an idiot. I know she'll probably come back next episode or something for what promises to be the most. dramatic. rose. ceremony. ever. But, until then...Ali, way to go! Hillary Clinton is proud. Susan B. Anthony is looking down on you (she's probably hanging with your grandmother [who, by the way, creepily had a photo of herself up on her mantle]) and smiling.
I wouldn't be surprised if Geraldine Ferraro called you today. And if she does, tell her I said hello.