Thursday, July 28, 2011


If I hear the phrase "debt crisis" one more time, I'm going to puke.

What is it that my junior high Algebra teacher used to yell at kids, "failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine?" Yeah, that's it.

Watching this whole "crisis" unfold is like watching a Bravo reality television series, with less pretty people. There's a shit ton of fighting, a lot of the blame game and finger-pointing and plenty of stupidity to go around.

The debt ceiling has been raised 10 times since 2001. Just raise it already and cut some spending and raise some taxes. I mean, I've already paid thousands of dollars in taxes for the year-- if raising them gets these Congressional idiots off of my television, DO IT.

Every elected official in DC seems to be a terrible manager of money. If I managed my money the way the US government does, I'd be in prison. Or dead. Or dead in prison.

Congress, get your shit together.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

the bachelorette: debt crisis.

The Bachelorette is a long 2 hours.
And when you throw in a talk by POTUS and the "speaker of the whole house" it gets even longer. Maybe the longest 2 hours and 15 minutes of my whole entire life.

Ryan comes to Fiji to explore and discover the things unsaid between himself and the Dentist. What an effing joke, sunshine boy. This is not a normal dating circumstance, you can't just text her and ask to go get coffee-- if you're required to fly to Fiji to do your "exploring" it's not real life.

And that Dentist? What a bitch. Just stringing him along...

"The book's not closed yet...unless Ashley says it is." --Ryan
Didn't she already do that?

Ben is first and they go on a boat. They both want to see what's upstairs, so it's perfect. They are totally compatible. Then, they talk about how nervous they were meeting Ben's mom. The nervous nelly talk obviously leads to some foreplay involving sunscreen. That Dentist is desperate. She basically begs Ben to rub sunscreen on her and then he proceeds to concentrate on her chest mostly. The Dentist does the same, but straddles him to apply the sunscreen. In all of this sunscreen "applying" I only saw the bottle of sunscreen at the very beginning. I think, by the end, they were just rubbing each other.

The Dentist says Ben is really fun and that he has a zest for life, but I'm not seeing it. When he gives his interviews he's so monotone and unexpressive. He's the guy that describes a situation as the 'most fun ever' with zero emotion or elation. He's just dead pan. All the time. I mean, the guy says he's beaming and through the roof, but he isn't even smiling.

Ben stole a shirt from Shakespeare and then tucked it in.

Ben kind of tells the Dentist he loves her and she buys it.
MIght as well send her a text message if that's what you're going to say.

They hit up that fantasy suite and the Dentist was excited to show him how much she likes him. Wink, wink.

Constantine gets the first helicopter of the season! Where have the helicopters been, ABC? Might as well be watching a dating show on Disney if there aren't any helicopters.

Of course, Ryan, the water heater expert, watches the helicopter fly over as he throws rocks into the ocean. That guy.

Constantine loves to look at things and point.
The Dentist takes him a waterfall to jump off of a cliff-- y'all it's a metaphor. She doesn't think Connie is ready to take that leap of faith with her, so she made him jump off a cliff. I see you, gUrl. I see you.

They go for a picnic and Connie gets called out. He looked at 108 houses before buying one and the Dentist knows at that point-- it's over. She doesn't like that he thinks things through before making decisions. Probably because if anybody really thought about spending their life with her they'd re-think it pretty fast.

It's dinner time and within 2 minutes of sitting down Ben is mentioned. She asks if it's weird to date the same gUrl as a friend and to that, I'd turn around and say: IS IT WEIRD TO DATE TWO GUYS AT THE SAME TIME WHO ARE TWINS?! And not just twins-- twins with the worst hair of anyone I've ever seen on television.

Connie breaks down and realizes that he hasn't held back anything from the Dentist-- he just doesn't like her. He doesn't even like her enough to stay another week in Fiji. I think I could like a lot of people for a week in Fiji. Just saying.

"This fantasy suite, I know what it means. And I know what it implies." --Constantine
Zing! Cat's outta the bag. We all know what goes down in that thing!

This interruption can best be summed up like this: America spends too much damn money. So, POTUS came on the television to tell me that my country is in a crisis. Then, the "speaker of the whole house" (I just can't get past the fact that that's how he introduced himself) came on my television to tell me that he worked hard with POTUS to get a deal. Basically, there was some finger-pointing and some cliches thrown around. All of this could have been said AFTER the show was over.

Back to the real crisis.

Constantine walks out and you know in her head, she's all, "Well, Ryan is here." I like that he left. But, ABC, it's Fiji. You can't just leave Fiji whenever you want. Where did you make him go?

"What if I end up all alone and all of this was for nothing?" --Dentist
gUrl, if you end up alone after all of this and all the time I've spent watching this bull shit no one will be more upset than me.

The Dentist calls Sunshine "Ry" 14 times, tells him he's perfect and then says, "BUT" and it's over. That guy's face was priceless.

Water plane!

JP hates surprises and we learn later on it's because he just doesn't understand them very well.

She uses the word "perfect" a lot. That's a word you shouldn't overuse.

They reach a random island and then there's 14 minutes of them halfway making out in the water with the plane in the background. JP says he's ready for the end and I'm ready for the Dentist to walk out of the house AFTER she looks in the mirror. What are those shorts?

He keeps wanting to grab her ass and then he stops and just goes for the hips.

I think JP has worn that shirt before. I respect that. I don't respect that JP and Ben, both, keep saying, "I'm not going to tell her tonight." Like, whatever.

The Dentist explains to JP that Ryan came and that Constantine left, actually she says the Constantine thing was "mutual" and JP's all, "what? what? I don't get it." It was dumb. It was especially dumb because the music in the background was really dramatic. They weren't talking about putting a puppy down, they were talking about Ryan flying to Fiji-- not that dramatic.

JP says he isn't hung up on her other relationships and he's completely unaffected by them. I'm going to throw the bull shit card on that one. Remember that time he spent a whole day sulking in Hong Kong like a little baby gUrl? Is that just me?

The Dentist doesn't mess around in that fantasy suite with JP. She takes a card from Chantal's book and puts on a white button-down shirt and goes to work.

She says that JP is exactly what she's looking for, which is exactly what she told Ryan, the guy she's sent home twice now.

I fast-forwarded through her sit-down with Chris.
I have shit to do.

She's all about the racer-backs this epi. It's a huge transition from her see through shirt days.

Ben and JP look like they're headed to Sunday school and the Dentist looks like she's headed to Vegas to be in a rap video.

Even after thinking about it all week and for a really long time, Ben accepts the rose.
JP didn't think about it as much, but he still accepted the rose.

And with that, it was over.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

the bachelorette: you can go home again.

We start off in Philly at the Dentist's apartment. She's just doing normal shit like opening the front door and reading her mail and drinking coffee. You know, normal shit.

"Ben F. is a real guy." --The Dentist
Uh. Yeah?

"This is not an easy place to be dating." --The Dentist
What place?! What. place.
Television isn't a place.

The Dentist makes her way to Atlanta. If he's from Atlanta why doesn't he talk like he's from Atlanta? Constantine takes the Dentist to a water treatment facility that's disguised as a park and she spends most of the time there fixing her hair. He takes her back to his restaurant. Apparently, I haven't been paying attention because I had no idea he worked at a restaurant. Or owned a restaurant. Or shares a restaurant with his parents. Whatever. Oopsies.

They made a pizza and a salad and had an awkward conversation.

Somebody put up an ugly ass sign to welcome Constantine home.

Constantine's mama wants to throw a big ass party. I'm in.

I could understand approximately 19% of what Constantine's father said. I can't tell if he's a doting dad or if he has a crush on Constantine. I mean, he really likes his son.

While watching that fat man throw money at everyone I couldn't help but wonder if Constantine has ever washed his hair. Ever. Props to the Dentist though-- she didn't flinch when realizing that half of Greece is related to Constantine.

Next, we head to the setting of a movie and learn that Ames grew up at a bed and breakfast with an indoor pool and a snarky, protective sister. Ames is such an interesting person. He's by far the best looking member of his family and the best dressed.

Ames' mother thinks this is a serious relationship because Ames looks healthy? True, he looks healthy. But, I don't get it.

Snarky sis takes the Dentist to the indoor pool area (maybe this was a Holiday Inn?) and just gives it to her straight by asking about 157 probing questions. The Dentist uses this opportunity to get the sister to shower her with compliments. She's so good at that.

I think it's interesting that Ames has lost two fathers and we've never heard a word about it. Ben takes a different path. Just an observation.

We get to see that "romantic" side of Ames tonight under a blooming Magnolia tree. While there, Ames spills the beans that he was a nerdy, unpopular kid. SHOCKING. The Dentist throws some compliments at Ames and then says, "we're just alike." Zing! She's so good.

Then the Budweiser Clydesdales showed up and they went on a carriage ride!

We head out to Wine Country and the Dentist describes Ben just like she described Constantine. Ummm....they are twins.

Ben lets the Dentist taste his wine.
If you know what I mean!
Oh, I'm kidding!

The Dentist takes a huge swig of red wine, makes no comment about the taste of it, but then says, "I really wish my mom was here!" Awkward.

Ben continues the theme of discussing how many gUrls he's brought home and how this is such. a. big. deal. Like, these people are young-- it's pretty normal to only have taken a handful of people home to meet your parents. And see your baby photos. And see where you were potty-trained. You don't just load up the van every time you make it to a third date, people.

We finally make it to Ben's mother and sister. His sister who probably played softball growing up. I bet she was a catcher.

They discuss Ben's hair and I can't help but wonder if she wanted to say, "Well, yes, it's the hair. Actually, there's this other boy with hair JUST LIKE HIM, TOO."

Ben's expressed his feelings more to the Dentist than he has in 6 years. Ummmm... do you think that's maybe because you've grown up a little bit in 6 years?

"Everything I'm feeling is natural." --Ben
That sounds like something you tell a priest.

Ben's mother seems really classy and sophisticated.
She handled Ben's confessions of guilt really well. It was a sweet conversation, but one part was kind of funny. Ben's mother said, "Your dad is looking down on us," and the look on Ben's face was one that I've never seen before. It was like he thought his dad was in the attic or something watching this scene take place.

Ben, I hate your jeans.

We up with JP at a flower garden and then head on over to the roller rink. A man after my own heart. I love roller skating, but taking someone to the place I grew up skating would be the equivalent to taking someone to a meth lab where you could also contract SARS. JP's rink looks pretty clean.

And again, they continue with the theme, "I've only brought home ___ gUrls and obviously they didn't work out." So, if we're doing the math, bringing home a gUrl to meet the parents means you won't work out?

"I'm on such a high when I'm with you." --JP
That's because ABC shoves alcoholic beverages down your throat non-stop when you're together.

JP's family takes an interesting approach to this day. That being: let's only talk about the last gUrl that JP dated and how big of a bitch she was. I mean, this gUrl must've worked these people over. The whole damn family. They must've put the guy on suicide watch after it or something.

Side note: I hope they don't talk about the brother's girlfriend like this if they break up.

JP's mother's face is saying, "Cut the shit. This is shit. I can't believe I'm doing this."

"You're sweet!" --the Dentist
"You're sweet!" --JP's mom
No, you're the sweetest!

JP's father is a real chatterbox, eh?
Like, shut the hell up, dude.

The Dentist sits down with Chrissy Poo Harrison and finally admits that her relationship with Bentley "was not a real relationship." What?! No!

Everybody saw this coming from two miles away: Ames is gone. You know what else should be gone? Chris Harrison's tie. Chris, what is your tie?

Ames looked genuinely shocked and confused when it was over, like he was on some hidden camera show or something. But, of course she tells him something nice and he falls all over himself complimenting her back doubly. He has some tearful moments in the limo, but overall keeps it together. Mostly. I think Ames will be just fine. He manages a hedge fund in New York City-- that's not exactly heading back to selling cell phones in Nowhere, Iowa. He seems like an online dating type of guy. I see that in his future.

What did we learn this week? Well, we learned a lot: First, taking somebody home is a huge f'ing deal. Second, ex-girlfriends are a bitch. And third, she has a type: the hair.

Monday, July 18, 2011

movie review: tree of life.

I'm 100% qualified to write a review on this movie for the following reasons: I saw the movie and I can form sentences.

Let's start with stars.
I'm giving this movie 1 out of 13 stars.
The 1 star is for location, location, location! There are just NOT enough movies set in Waco, Texas these days!

Let's move on to hearts.
I'm giving this movie 3 out of 8 hearts.
There was a lot of love in this movie. And a lot of talk of love in this movie. And I learned a lot about love. For example: if you have to ask your son if he, "loves his father?" it's likely that he does not love his father.

Now on to the review:
Admittedly, I walked into the movie knowing very little of the premise. But, more than one person that I like said this movie was "amazing," coupled with the facts that Brad Pitt rarely makes terrible movies and Sean Penn has won an Oscar, I thought, "let's do it."

I would've watched 2 hours of "My Little Pony Goes to Middle School" before I'd attempt to watch this film again.

The movie starts out with some scripture from Job. Who doesn't love a good Job reference, right? From that moment on I was confused. And not just a little confused, but the kind of confused where you say a really terrible word. You know like, "What the blank is happening?"

The opening scene shows us two parents getting the news that one of their children has died. Then, we meet up with Sean Penn and his wife? And his wife cut a branch off of a tree before heading out to work for the day. Just some light gardening. Nothing serious. That scene was followed by approximately 28 minutes of waterfalls, volcanoes erupting, waves crashing to shore, clouds, flowers and then suddenly, FINALLY, we see a dinosaur on the shore of what looks to be Galveston. The dinosaur has been hurt! He has been bitten by a shark! Then we see sharks. Then, it's back to nature! Then, we see some more dinosaurs frolicking in a stream near the Idaho-Montana border. Then, we are graciously taken to Waco, Texas for the birth of a baby. I think, and I will never know for sure, but I think this baby grew up to be Sean Penn.

The next hour and a half was a blur of three boys playing and three boys being yelled at by Brad Pitt and three boys loving their mother. Then, one of the boys (the one who may have grown up to be Sean Penn) snuck into a neighbor's house and stole some lingerie. This was before he shot his brother (who also could've grown up to be Sean Penn) with a BB gun. All of that happened before Brad Pitt lost his job and took a job that no one else wanted.

The one boy, the maybe Sean Penn boy, spends a lot of the film praying and asking God if he's real and then also if God can help him be good.

There's very little dialogue in the film, which is fine by me and from just an art standpoint, the movie is really pretty, but...I have no idea what it was about. Like, zero ideas.

At the end of the movie, Sean Penn walks through a door frame in the desert and then meets up with his family on the beach. His mom is there and she does a ballet routine with another woman, who might be an angel. Or maybe just a friend-- I can't be sure.

And spoiler alert: it was over after that.

Questions left unanswered: What the F? What the hell? What the what? What was up with that dinosaur? Did anybody in this movie have a name?

Themes: Boys like to play, nature, spiritual wrestling within happens, Waco

Favorite part: The part where they showed Reunion Tower in Dallas.

Unless you're much smarter or just like to be confused for long periods of time I wouldn't recommend seeing this film.

For a little more depth, check out this review: Flick Filosopher.

Friday, July 15, 2011


In honor of the Women's World Cup.

Monday, July 11, 2011

the bachelorette: asian fusion.

Are these idiots on the 'Amazing Race' now?

I love the video of everyone on the bus with her VO (voice over, for those not in the 'know'). It was like they were all graduating from high school.

"This year marks the 100-year anniversary of Taiwain...we're very fortunate to be here RIGHT NOW." --Chris

Because last year was less special? Or next year is going to suck? I'm seeing very little pomp going on regarding 100 years.

This week, we learn that there are four dates, NOT three, but FOUR. Just three. Not four. JP doesn't like it. And we learn as the episode goes on, "When JP ain't happy, ain't no one happy."

Really digging Ames' outfit. I had no idea you could still get Adidas pants like that. I wonder if they are snap-down? If so, I had a similar pair in 8th grade. So, does Ames dress like a 14-year-old gUrl? You said it, not me.


Here comes the oldest train in the world. Or maybe it's just as old as Taiwan, which would be 100 years old.

Where is the back of the Dentist's shirt? Seriously. Where does she get these shirts?

While on the the train they both discuss the fact that they are holding hands. It leads me to believe that they are around 13-years-old.


"We paint wishes on the lantern and they come true." --Dentist

I'm calling it: bull shit.

Ryan is fre.a.kin'. out. I think this dude is going to snap at any point. Give him a one-on-one.

The Dentist tells Constantine that he's exactly what she's attracted to.

Way to play hard to get, idiot.

"What a powerful emotion love is." --Constantine

Hate is powerful, too.

They let the lantern go.

All the mothers cried.

"It's gorgeous." --Constantine, on the lanterns

Or is it 'gorges'?

Ben and the Dentist go check out the scenery. Ben looks exactly like Constantine. I'm starting to wonder if that's confusing for the Dentist.

Ben and the Dentist are taking a moped on their scenic tour.

They get off the moped and suddenly the Dentist has luggage, well not luggage-- a giant tote bag. She did not have that before they got on the moped. While she’s got the tote bag on her shoulder, which is GIANT by the way, I already said that, they make out and say “gorgeous” a lot, but all I can think about is GORGES.

Ben is falling in love, BUT he's not ready to tell he dances around the "L-bomb" quite a bit. Like, it gets awkward. And that gUrl is such a fisherman. Get her a damn pole already. All she does is sit around and get people to say sweet things to her.

"I feel like he's my boyfriend." --The Dentist


I'm guessing that the L-Bomb, combined with the fact that the Dentist thinks Ben is her boyfriend is why they had a little shaccident (that's a SHACK-ACCIDENT). JP is beyond upset about it. He's so upset that he puts on a pearl snap shirt. Ben rolls in, in an outfit that can't be described and JP is still upset.

"People in Taiwan love their weddings, especially their photos...we're going to explore this tradition today." --The Dentist

Yes, that tradition is sacred only to Taiwan.

The boyZ have to wear some pretty dumb shit. Especially Ames. Although Ames' outfit was better than whatever it was Ben rolled in wearing. Of course, JP, the little baby gUrl, gets to wear a tuxedo. However, he still manages to be a little baby gUrl while watching everyone get their "wedding photos" taken.

"The guys didn't have as much fun as I hoped they would have." --The Dentist

Dingdingding! BoyZ don't like having their picture taken, especially while wearing dumb clothes in Taiwan while watching other boyZ kiss their ladddddddddddddddddy.

The Dentist tries to comfort Lucas by telling him he wasn't wearing a dress, but a long shirt. What an idiot. It was a dress. And an ugly one at that.

"Do you think I'd fit in?" --The Dentist

If my brother brought you home at Christmas, I'd quit going home for Christmas.

Ames being the little sweetie that he is, brought some family photos to show the Dentist. I'm all in with Ames after seeing his elementary school photos AND his deep pink/red pants. I'm not sure I'd want him to wear them at night on a date, but I'm on board otherwise. He also shouldn't wear them around my family because they'd think he likes males, but otherwise: good to go.

JP starts being a little baby gUrl again to the Dentist, so of course she gives him a rose. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo typical.

It's finally turn for Mr. Sunshine's one-on-one date. Again, the Dentist has lost the back to her shirt.

They go to a temple and I was stressed out. Mainly because of the chanting. I get distracted very easily by noises, so I would've been done on this date real quick. And how the hell did she know that that dude was a match-making god? Somebody made that shit up.

I like that they sat on the steps and discussed Tai Chi. I mean, why not? I personally love going on dates and discussing the finer aspects of Tai Chi.

Ryan gets weirdsies and starts to cry (almost) when discussing the Dentist heading home to meet his family. I bet his family sits around on a regular basis singing "Kumbaya."

They sit down for a picnic and Ryan drops the really hard questions like, "What do you do for the environment?" And then...he goes off on WATER HEATERS. Yes, water heaters. I quit listening pretty quickly.

"Why doesn't every house have a tankless water heater?" --Mr. Sunshine

I'm starting to guess this has a lot to do with why you haven't been on a one-on-one date, sir.

The Dentist tells Mr. Sunshine she's not feeling the romance. His face drops, especially when he realizes that, NO, she doesn't want to meet his family. Oopsies. Date over. Relationship over. Go practice Tai Chi next to your tankless water heater.

"I'm shocked. I don't want to be alone." --Mr. Sunshine

Well, don't talk about water heaters on dates then.


I think Ryan walked away and threw up. And then he cussed a lot. I didn't know he knew words like that! They certainly don't say words like that on the "Brady Bunch," so where did he learn them?

Then they made Ryan wander around the streets of Taiwan alone.

That's just sad, ABC. Just plain sad.


Ames makes the observation that there are only five of them left.

Chris comes for his weekly therapy session. I was bored with it. But, to make time for Barbie Emily's cry-fest after the roses are handed out, they skip the actual cocktail party.

Does Ben know how to tie a tie? I'm just saying: if you're wearing a tie, just tie it. If you're looking all dapper in your fancy suit, you look like an idiot when your tie is like that. And go ahead and button that top button, too.

How does she give a rose to two people who could be identical twins?

Ames gets the final rose.

JP, who's turned into a real asshole, didn't expect Ames to get a rose and then tells him that.

Lucas is just looking for someone to go to breakfast with, so West Texas ladies: if you know of a good pancake place give him a holler. He'll call you sweetie and baby. A lot.

And then she cried a lot. And now, we have to listen to Barbie Emily cry a lot.


She tells us what People Magazine already did: they are no longer engaged. SHOCKER. No one, saw that coming, right?

"We left the dotdotdot." --Barbie Emily

OMG. What is this?! That's not a phrase!

If there are so many regrets and tears, then why aren't you making it work, Barbie?

I should've started counting how many times she said, "you know?" That's a huge pet peeve of mine. I feel like people saying, "you know" at the end of their thoughts gives them less validation and/or leads me to believe that they think the people who are listening are idiots and don't understand what they are saying. You know?

Brad gave his blessing for Barbie Emily to sit down with Chris.

Oh, good!

I'm so confused.

"I don't want to worry about not knowing if someone is in the bushes taking pictures." --Barbie Emily

Oh, gUrl, if I had a dollar...

That was dumb.

She didn't tell us anything.

Friday, July 8, 2011

side note(s).

This morning on my way to work I drove past a Budweiser truck delivering beer (I'm only assuming they were delivering beer). I'm not exactly a beer aficionado, which is why I've never really noticed that Budweiser's slogan is, "The King of Beers." This is very troubling to me. Budweiser is supposedly THE American beer. So, shouldn't they go with a slogan that doesn't promote exactly what America is against: kings, dictators, tyrants, etc;? Am I right?

In my youth I always wanted to write jingles and/or copy for advertising campaigns, so I've thought of some new slogans for Budweiser. Because, I mean, if your can is wrapped in an American flag, it should be more American.

"Budweiser, the beer for Capitalists."
"Budweiser, the fairly elected official of beers."
"Budweiser, the sitting president of beers."
"Budweiser, it's Manifest Destiny disguised as a beer."
"No Budweiser without representation."
"Give me Budweiser or give me death!"

Also this morning: the final launch of Space Shuttle Atlantis. No big deal, right? False. As Joe Biden would say, "huge f'ing deal." America's space program is one thing that makes America so kick ass. We win at: space, (American) football, reality tv, trials by jury, elections and dreaming big-- hence, the AMERICAN DREAM. It's not the Swedish Dream or the Lithuanian Dream. What would the Lithuanian Dream even consist of? Soft toilet paper and a monthly trip to Aldi?

Casey Anthony will be a "free" woman in like, 9 days. That's insane to me. The other day on the news a commentator said, "Casey, there are 49 other states in this country, I think you should check out at least one of them." I can't name one state that would open their arms to that gUrl.

However, if she's looking to get back into "hot body" contests, I'd advise her to start with Mississippi, Alabama, West Virginia or Louisiana as they have the highest obesity rates in the nation according to a new study. Florida's only "kind of" obese. I've also heard that Universal Studios in California is hiring. Oh...too soon?

I obviously don't agree with the jury's verdict in this case, but I'm still thankful that she got a trial by a jury. Look at poor Amanda Knox in Italy-- she got a "fair" trial, but like Casey was convicted by the media long before a jury of her peers found her guilty. Knox was convicted of murder, along with another man, who has said Knox had nothing to do with the killing and still-- she sits in prison. And not even an American prison. A foreign prison. They make movies (and television shows) about shit like that. You know why? Because it's just about everybody's worst nightmare: locked up abroad.

And my last thought on Casey Anthony: as a self-proclaimed "writer" I'm terribly saddened that she'll get a book deal for millions and millions of dollars without any sort of education or passion for writing. The only thing I've ever truly wanted in life (besides a pony, a puppy that stays a puppy forever and a joint checking account) is to be a published writer. And now, I not only have to battle people who are actual writers, but convicted criminals as well. Perfect.

Side note: This is America. Bless it.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

the twitter.

Today, our President, yes, my President took to the Twitter to answer some burning questions from/for Americans. I've chosen some of my favorites. Commentary in red. This was obviously something that really made Americans feel like they had a say in their government, which is why they asked the really hard questions.

Can you make out any of the Bon Iver lyrics?
Great question. I can't on most songs.

"You would not have Twitter if the Department of Defense and others had not invested in something called the Internet."
This isn't a question! It's not even a question! I think it's supposed to be a jab.

Can u imagine a world in which Dems & GOP tried to out-compete each other on ways to cut fossil energy dependence?
I can't. Mostly because I dream in technicolor and I dream other things that are way more selfish. And fun.

Mr President how do you plan on engaging young urban voters through social media in the 2012 election?
What the hell do you think this is?

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
I can't! At least, I don't think I can. But, I want my President to be able to.

In school when they taught you Athens was a model for our Republic, you know they meant ancient Athens, right?
Zing! Way to phrase this statement as a question.

Since your law degree is useless, did you ever consider going back for something useful to your profession... like economics?
Zing! But, why is his law degree useless? I thought Michele Bachmann was the one with the useless law degree.

What are your thoughts on the Gadsden Purchase?
This purchase bought southern Arizona and New Mexico for the US. You know who was President then? Franklin Freakin' Pierce! That's who! I can only imagine that Obama's thoughts on the purchase are nothing by positive.

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