Wednesday, April 30, 2008

truth be told.

Ok ok ok… I know. I have been a bad blogger. I owe an apology and an explanation to our countless, devoted readers. Unfortunately, I cannot cite a lack of ideas, time, or energy as the reason for my absence. The truth is, I just figure LC’s posts are more entertaining and therefore people are more interested in hearing from her. I guess I just felt like I couldn’t keep up.

Well, that and the fact that LC changed the password and wouldn't tell me what it was for a while.

But I am over it. I am still not funny like LC. I am ok with that. Be back soon. Real soon.

to britt.

Dear Britt,

Things are weird without you here. I miss you. Please post.


possible MOH candidate.

I like Risa a lot more than I like other people.

She doesn't have the best hair, but she does have the best heart. The best attitude. The best outlook on life. I can't say she's saved me a fortune on therapy, because we all remember my rendezvous with Steve last spring, but she has listened to me cry many tears and vent on many-a-random topics.

Through college and being nine hours away and the past two years to being a plane ride and a time zone apart, she has proved herself worthy of the title: best friend that doesn't live in the same state as me, but we talk almost daily.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

the bachelor. episode seven.

After this episode I have completely lost all faith in people. Or at least all people on reality tv.

Where does one begin?

I grew up an independent girl, one who was taught that I didn't need a man to make it through life and one who was taught that I didn't need to sell my body to make a boy like me. Granted, I don't have much of a body to sell, but still...Chelsea missed some Sunday school classes somewhere. What is she doing? She can't talk to this guy, express any emotions or feelings, but she has such a strong desire to win this competition that she strips in front of the camera, puts on a NIGHTIE/TEDDY and declares herself a romantic. Every father watching that scene last night died a little bit inside, hoping that their daughter never does that to the win the affection of some chach Brit on a reality tv dating show.

And Matt, WTF?! You admit that Chelsea can't talk to you, but she puts on some Goodwill negligee and you decide that you can spend the rest of your life with her? What an idiot. Every season of the Bach people are all, "this guy is great, this guy is perfect, why is he on this show?" Well, obviously because he's an idiot.

Shayne is the stereotypical American girl. Matt is enamored with that. She is what he sees on tv every week over in foggy London town and he thinks he can make it work. Good luck.

Little does Amanda know that she is the luckiest girl in the world (normally, I'd say America, but this Bachelor is international). She got cut and then called the ole Chap something so bad they bleeped it out. She also called him a liar. I don't think he's a liar, as much as he is out to get some.

My money is on Shayne.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

the bachelor. home study.

Isn't it every girl's dream to take a man (and reality tv camera crew) home to meet mom and dad?

After watching the world's most boring Bachelor episode ever, I have very few thoughts.

1. Lorenzo Lamas sure seemed sincere. Especially when he called Shayne out for wanting to be famous. Oops, Dad. He really did seem like a normal ole dad, who loved his daughter though and I'm sure both Matty and Shayne will take his advice on love. Why? Because he's been married four times and has had two long-time girlfriends (one of which he had a daughter with) since 1982. The man knows his stuff. Clearly.

2. Shayne's mother was like a glimpse into the future. Buckle up, Bachelor.

3. Amanda is a genius. After 12 seasons no one has thought to do this before? Dare I say she is the smartest woman to ever appear on the Bachelor? Bold statement? Hardly. She is still on the Bachelor, making her dumber than every girl not to be on the show.

4. Noelle reminded me of a Brady.

5. I am convinced that Chelsea must have some serious baggage she is holding on to. Why else would she have all the issues with hand-holding? There has to be a story, at the 7th grade Valentine's Day Dance (they called it the VDD at her school) she held a boy's hand and then right in the middle of Celine Dion's "I Love You," he walked off the dance floor never to be seen again. That's traumatic. And now she can't even hold her boyfriend's hand on national television.

Monday, April 21, 2008


I don't know if I'll ever be blessed with kids. If I'm not, at least I have two younger (albeit wiser) versions of myself running around the South.

Hopefully they can bear children and then I can corrupt them.

Over the next few weeks I will be showcasing some very important people to me on this blog. Everyone deserves a good blog shout out in their life.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

i've come a long way.

I distinctly remember the time in my life when I realized that I did not want to be the kid in school who smelled bad or wore the same clothes everyday. I remember I was wearing my favorite outfit--yellow shorts with a matching top that had a zoo scene on it. I was on the playground and I remember thinking, "Did I wear this last week? I wonder if any of the other kids realize that I did? Do they think I am poor?"

Clearly, I wanted to make the other kids know that I was far from poor and in fact, incredibly put together, so on the day that my picture would be taken and posted in the middle of the library for all to see, I put together this ensemble-- hot pink wind suit pants, white turtle neck and white velcro high-tops.

The book I am holding was a book that I convinced my father to buy and donate to the Center Valley Elementary School library. All the rich kids were doing it.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

bachelor: episode 5

This was by far the most shocking, confrontational episode yet. If you don't count any of the other episodes you've seen this season.

Let's start with the claim, "the most shocking confrontation in Bachelor history." Yes, there was yelling. Yes, there were accusations. Yes, Marshashanananana is a bit over-the-top, but, no this was not the most shocking confrontation in Bachelor history. I have seen sixth grade fights more confrontational than this fight. Marshashanananana was pretty money though with all of her claims about, "playing rugby for this man" and, "getting in a pool for this man." I mean, what if they would've asked her to actually do something hard like, bake from scratch or not speak highly of yourself or wear clothes from Ross Dress for Less. I think if Bachelorettes are going to start keeping score like this then the Bach should too. They could have a Geography Bee or an obstacle course.

Chelsea said she didn't like PDA and ole Matty poo seemed pretty upset, so then Chelsea basically wrote him a note inviting herself over for some one-on-one sex. That is classy. And clearly the way to his heart because she got a rose and the almost English Robin didn't. Matt totally told Robin that he didn't need to have a one-on-one date with her because he already knew she awesome, or lack thereof. Good play, Matt.

Shayne is ridic. She clearly wanted attention by bringing make-up with her on the ski slopes. And once again, I am willing to bet my first born child that Matt only chose her so he could meet the Renegade-- Lorenzo Lamas. I cannot blame him for that.

To me the word brilliant is not one to just throw around casually. Webster's says: having or showing great intelligence, talent, quality, etc... Matt freaking uses this word to describe everything. I don't care where he is from it means the same thing. He is completely using it out of context which is leading me to believe that he is not brilliant.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

bachelor. episode(s) (seem to last) 4 (ever)

While watching these girls on the show I feel like I'm at a high school dance and while watching girls make fools of themselves, someone is also punching me continually.

Mr. Bachelor, London called. I took a message for you because you were busy being an idiot. London said, "Do not come back. Ever. You are dead to us." Whoa, harsh feelings there, London. Apparently, London didn't agree with Matt's choice on choosing Marshashashannanna over Holly. Marshashashannanna is totally that girl from high school that was always up in someone's face yelling about something and whenever the teacher would take her out in the hall she would just stand there and look off and not say a word. Totally that girl. Even though I dislike Marshashashannanna and would never want my brother or friends or really anyone I might ever run into socially to marry or date her, Holly was really boring and incredibly lame.

I am convinced that Ashlee used to spell her name like every other Ashley in America, until Ashlee Simpson burst onto the scene back in 2004. Bachelor Ashlee probably changed it right around the time Simpson got booed at the Orange Bowl. I'm also willing to bet that Bachelor Ashlee claims to hold a "deep connection" with Simpson and that's why she changed the spelling of her name. I really enjoyed Bachelor Ashlee's song musings last night. I would illegally download some of her jams, if I wanted to burn a cd for someone I hated and never wanted to see them again. Ever.

Serious props to Kelly for literally putting it all out there. I mean, if you can't seem to hold a conversation with someone you might as well expose yourself. Surprisingly enough, this didn't work with our young Matty.

Robin is trying too hard. Way too hard. If a boy likes you, it won't make him like you anymore if your parents have a tea maker. Trust me. Boys are not interested in your parents or their tea maker. Are you catching my drift? So, shut the H up about London.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

episode 3. lorenzo lamas is name dropped.

If you can't ride your father's Renegade coattails into stardom, you might as well go on reality tv.

I think I finally have The Bachelor figured out! Ok, stop me if you've heard this one-- 25 girls. One guy. Token ethnic girl. Token funny, drunk girl. One girl that everyone hates, but The Bachelor loves. Hated girl talks trash. Token girl that says, "I didn't come here to make friends." All the girls seem distraught and like they didn't know other girls would be there vying for the affection of the same man.

I don't understand how these girls can come on this show and get so freaking upset about their boyfriend (I use that term loosely. Very loosely. Like most of the women on this show)going on dates with other girls. YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS, SHAYNE and HOLLY. And I'm just saying-- if they pulled this card in the real world, the guy would split like Shawn Kemp (reference NBA player with 14 illegitimate children). There is just no way they actually think they are in love. Unless of course they are in 8th grade and if that is the case, then I take back everything I just wrote.

Shaynefinally dropped her dad's name and clearly Mr. Bachelor had no clue who he was. I'm confident though, that like all of us, he googled him immediately when he got back to his palace and was quite impressed with his list of films on IMDB. I am also fairly certain that everyone in the Bachelor's family will be getting Renegade on DVD for Christmas.

Robin is not awesome. I want to point that out and be very clear when I say this: she sucks. But, you can't blame a girl for being competitive and, "going after what she wants." All is fair in love and reality tv, right? And she told Noelle to not accept her rose if asked. Very sly move there, Robin. I'm sure she didn't notice that you are a total skeeze.

Poor little Amanda R. is just barely hanging on. She is the front-runner for normalcy, but is lacking the competitive/crazy-ass-psycho edge, one so desperately needs to be on this show. Kelly, the token funny, drunk girl grows on me every day, but that is because I am pretty sure she lived next door to me in the dorms freshman year. Marshashanananana really showed some courage during the rugby game. I cannot believe she is still walking. Good call on the getting hurt thing though, if you can't wow 'em, might as well make 'em feel sorry for you. Worked for me in high school. Works on reality tv.

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