Friday, March 16, 2012

POTUS: march madness: play-in/ round one.

(8) Cincinatti vs. (9) Purdue
If this was a college football game, it’d be on at 11 am (EST). We’ve got Taft and Harrison, a match-up bound to put even your favorite historian to sleep. Harrison battled early with Taft, but in the end even his Presidential pedigree was no match for Taft’s boisterous frame.

(7) Duke vs. (10) The Ohio State University
Richard Nixon, the self-labeled underdog is a scrappy competitor. His never-say-die-attitude is ultimately what pushes him past the not-fit-for-competition, Rutherford B. Hayes. Hayes entered the tournament on the bubble and leaves with a nice parting gift of fried rice and some audio tapes. 

(4) Michigan vs. (5) Davidson
Skeptics argue Gerald Ford’s high seeding in a field of such tough competition, but he carries the criticism well on his broad shoulders. Woodrow Wilson enters the match-up with a few battle wounds from a minor European scuffle. Ford hangs tough, but in the end Wilson outwits him and outlasts him. We have our first upset.

(3) Georgetown vs. (6) University of North Carolina
Typically, slow and steady wins the race. Unless you’re James K. Polk and you’re racing Bill Clinton and LBJ. Polk’s wounds from years of battle Henry Clay were simply no match for Clinton and Johnson’s brashness.

 (1) Virginia vs. (8) Cincinnati
This one has the likelihood of being mercy-ruled rather quickly. Although Taft could likely eat James Madison or James Monroe in one sitting, he doesn’t have the skills these three Cavaliers do. Taft, has the ability to perform many tasks well at many positions, but in the end he's no match for "Big Three." Virginia cruises to an easy victory. 

(2) Harvard vs. (5) Duke
An absolute mismatch from the beginning. Just for fun, the dregs opened up the game for Harvard. Like salt in an old wound, JFK used his boys GWB, JQA and Obama to wipe the floor with ole Tricky Dick before John Adams and the Roosevelts came in to shoot half-court shots and laugh in his face. Nixon’s temper-tantrum didn’t help and he was thrown out of the game early. In his post-game interview he brought his dog along, a first for a basketball game press conference. 

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