Tuesday, March 6, 2012

the bachelor :: ben : WTA.

Observations in brief. 

The "Women Tell All" episode is what I imagine high school reunions in Hell to be like.

At the very beginning Chrissy Poo tells the crowd that The Model will be in attendance later and this one woman in the audience looked like she threw up, but it was like a happy throw up. Like, she threw up a rainbow or something.


The Blakely montage in the beginning was coupled with music from a James Bond film. DRAMA.

I couldn't make a PROS/CONS list comparing Blakeley and The Accountant. I could make a CONS list though. Oopsies.

"I don't even know where to start with that." --Britney
Me neither. Me neither.

Everyone was calling Britney out for leaving. Especially that Samantha gUrl. And why was that gUrl screaming at everyone? Her voice was shrill. Britney had to do the "mama shark" hand motion to her to get her to shut up.

That Jaclyn gUrl got a lot of screen time in the beginning. I was just thankful they kept telling me her name. However, it didn't stop me from saying, "Who is that?" every time they showed her.

That whole Shawntel thing was just kind of weird, right? Like, how do people on this show lose the ability to look in a mirror? Like, be more self-aware, gUrls. You were doing the exact same thing Shawntel was doing, she just got a late start.

Emily did pretty well in the hot seat. You can tell she's way smarter than every other gUrl on this show. And personally, I like side ponytails. Her eye make-up was slight off though. Can't win 'em all, gang. Can't win 'em all.

From my seat it seems as though Nicki and Kacie B. found love on the Bach after Ben dumped them. They were holding hands, giggling and apparently telling each other to wear a dress with ONE GIGANTIC sleeve is a great idea. That's true love, right there.

What'd The Accountant do to her head?
Is her hair supposed to be that color?

Watching Kacie B. watch the review of her "journey" was terrible painful. Her hair part looked painful, too.

"That's not fun to watch." --Kacie B.
That sums up the whole damn season!

Why does Chrissy think he's a therapist?

I was super offended when Kacie B. said, "I hate to say it, but the South is a little different." gUrl, do not apologize for that. The South is different. Different in a wonderful way.

Here comes The Model!

This whole scenario got real sad, real fast.

Before she even came out people were randomly yelling, "Bi-polar!"  "She's terrible!"  "Yeah! Burn her!"

I'm not even sure how to discuss this. Every single gUrl on that panel had a Courtney story. That says something. If it was just one or three gUrls that'd be different, but if that many gUrls hate you, they hate you for a reason. I think they hate her for different reasons than I do, but I'm not sure about that yet.

"I was humiliated." --The Model
Secondhand humiliation. 

The Accountant thinks The Model came on the show for the sole purpose of repairing her image.
That may be true, but The Accountant needs to hire somebody to fix her image. She just has a weird image. Can you even call 'terrible' an image? So many questions.

"I made a bad joke. It happens, we all do it." --The Model
Speak for yourself, baby gUrl!

"Guess what, we were all human beings!" --Emily, to The Model
ZING! Gotcha!

Eventually, The Model cried and took some deep breaths.
I think it would've been more entertaining if these gUrls had some wine during this filming.

"There's not much else she can apologize for." --Chrissy
FALSE. She can apologize for wasting HOURS upon hours of my time. 

Ben joins Chrissy on stage.

"Welcome to my nightmare." --Ben

Ben just sat there and did the whole closed-mouth head nod thing.
And his hair? KILL ME.

Nicki wants to say that she thinks Ben is the best man she's ever met.
Clearly, she's met this man and her ex-husband. She has never met any other men.
Right? That's the only explanation for that statement. Has to be.

Jamie, for the second time this season, made everyone proud and told Ben that she was ready and willing to play second fiddle to the winner this season. HAVE SOME PRIDE. MY GOSH.


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