Tuesday, May 18, 2010

the fate of my soul.

I carry a lot of anger around. Most of this anger eventually exits my body through my mouth in the form of phrases like, "I'm going to stab you" or "I swear, I'll throw you into the next large body of water I see" or "You're an asshole."

I didn't have a particularly dark childhood, my daddy issues are simply that I probably think too highly of him and my self-esteem is off the charts, so where does this anger come from? Well, I'll answer that: Gossip Girl and Bravo reality television shows. Where I once thought these shows made me feel better about myself I've come to realize that they are actually driving me to the brink of insanity. Yes, Gossip Girl is the most fake show on television and I can recover from a Monday night episode by Wednesday morning, but the Bravo shows? Those are real people. REAL people who live like that. Real people that I desperately want to grab by the shoulders and scream, "what in the hot hell made you like this?!"

I wish I could lie to you and tell you that I haven't prayed, more than once, for several people on reality television shows and it's no secret that given the opportunity I'd present the bridge diagram to any member of The Hills cast, but I think my soul is dying in the process.

My dad always told me, "don't save a dog's life to risk your own." Meaning, if you're driving and it's you or the dog-- hit the damn dog.

Well, Bravo television-- it's me or you-- and you have to go. My soul feels black. I'm always on the verge of slapping someone and crossing over the Trinity River twice a day is becoming way too big of a temptation. I swear if I could fit my office chair in my car, I'd throw it off the bridge. I just can't live like this anymore.

It's time to part ways. It's time to let go.

Sidenote: I truly see the Lord's provision in guarding my heart from the teen melodrama that is Twilight. I mean, I've never been into stuff like that (fantasy, ie; Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, etc;), but I also never thought I'd fall prey to the likes of Gossip Girl either.

Peace be with you.


Morgan said...

...and also with you.

D.O. said...

It's refreshing when bloggers are willing to be so open with the darkness that is very the depths of who they are. Thanks.

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