Tuesday, May 26, 2009

the hills: not lc's wedding.

StephiePratt and Heidi hit things off with a meal of some sort. We will never know what meal because no food was shown, but Heidi did say, "it's such a cute restaurant." 

Heidi gave StephiePratt the play-by-play and a lot of things she said that Spencer said I didn't hear. So...

"I would love it if you would maybe invite Lauren for me to the wedding." --Heidi
"She just fired me!" --StephiePratt
"It's not like she can re-fire you." --Heidi

First off, Heidi, just send her an invitation or text her. Duh. Second, StephiePratt good call. Third, Heidi, double-good-call. She can't fire her again! 


Audrina and Lo are discussing invitations, but Heidi just told StephiePratt about getting married. Way to get on those invites!

These people are always shopping. Lo and Brody are discussing the Brody sitch. So. Dramatic.

Actually, way less dramatic when idiots aren't around telling Audrina what to do. Lo just kept it casual. 

"If she's there, I'd say hi to everyone as a group and do your own thing." --Lo


StephiePratt and LC are "eating" and discussing convertible tops. 

"Oh, do you wear your seatbelt like this (does normal seatbelt motion)?" --StephiePratt
"Yeah, how do you wear your seatbelt (with a look of disgust)?" --LC

StephiePratt calls LC out on firing her and then sha-bamski! drops the bomb on LC about the Pratt wedding. LC keeps it real and says not only no, but hell no (I could see it in her eyes).


Spence and his bra, Charlie, are hitting golf balls and Spence declares his ultimate happiness. 

"I don't think I could have a wedding and have it feel special if that girl was there." --Spencer

I mean, that seems a little much to me. If it's really your wedding and you're really that happy, I don't think you'll notice or care. Get serious, Spence. 

Spencer gets serious and takes his glasses off while declaring, "I will not apologize. I have never apologized to anyone." Really, anyone? How did you manage that, Spence? Aren't you like, 26?


We join up with Heidi, who's in the full-blown-I'm-getting-married-to-such-a-chach-bag-mode, looking at wedding dresses. Heidi says, "I'm going to try on my last one!" And duh, of course, it's "the one." Much like Spence.

Heidi makes a grand speech, "Blah, blah, I feel like a princess. I feel like this is perfect. I feel like Spencer will love it. I'm so excited to have the wedding I wanted. Blah, blah, blah. Lauren will be there probably."

Really, really?! You're trying on wedding dresses and mention Lauren?! Heidi, get the hell over it already. Maybe you should marry her. StephiePratt broke Heidi's heart and told her that she doesn't think Lauren will be making it to the wedding. Literally, Heidi was more sad at that declaration than at any of the times Spencer "cheated" on her. 


The gUrls crew hits up a "lunch" and they are recalling all the "crazy" times they had together. It was so fun and crazy! And then, LC noticed a pattern in all of their relationships and why they didn't always love each other-- Spencer! Oh, Hills producers, you're so good at making people become friends even when others (Spencer) try to tear them apart. 

Oh, snap, LC is getting all kinds of WTF on everyone when they announce their plans to attend the wedding. 

"Maybe you'll send me BBMs." --LC, on how all her friends will be at the wedding without her

So. Freakin. Typical. She told them to text her while they were there. Classic.


The whole crew is hitting a hot Hollywood party and StephiePratt is getting hammered when Lo tells her that, "Kelly Cutrone threw this party." Oh, snap!

Brody and his MySpace girlfriend, Jayde, cuddle up on the couch with everyone and Audrina feels weird. She never says that, but I can see it on her face. 

Then, BAM! Kelly Cutrone comes over and calls out StephiePratt on sucking ass at her job. Then, of course, we have to go back to the whole stupid Brody and Audrina drama. 

"Trust me, I have a side that wants to grab a bottle and smash it on her face." --Jayde, MySpace gUrl

I think that side is commonly reffered to as white trash.  Brody says Jayde has every right to be upset, but why doesn't he realize that she should be upset with him? Come on, people. Everyone is so freakin' vain on this show, I bet, even 40 years or something later, they all think the Carly Simon song, "You're So Vain", is actually about them. Pathetic.


Spencer has not returned the DVDs yet, so now they own them! But, on a different note, Heidi confesses to her beloved that she wants Spencer to apologize. 

"Why are you trying to make me look like a little punk to LC?" --Spencer

Spence, no one has to try to do that. You accomplished that glowing task on your very own. 

"Spencer, can you just put your own ego aside and just be the bigger person?"
"No! Because, I'm not the bigger person."

Wow. Now, there's some honesty. Spence goes on and on about how his head is pulsing. And by the way, I'm loving how he constantly refers to LC as, "that girl." I mean, that is some serious disassociation. He doesn't even call her by her name. 

"Don't be rude! We went to therapy!" --Heidi

Yes, Heidi, good point. You went to therapy, Spencer is fixed forever. Spencer yells, "No!" and then has this little eat-shit-smirk on his face. 


Audrina has a house? How does she pay for it?

Of course, Audrina is rehashing the Brody drama and with who else, but StephiePratt? You know what I've figured out? StephiePratt has no story line. That's why she is in every scene. She is just an instigator and a major role-player. Like, if this was basketball StephiePratt is the Sixth Man of the Year hands down. Kids would have her jersey and everything. 

"I guess we're not friends anymore." --Audrina

A bold statement by Audrina, one that I would think would get a little bit of sympathy, but no. StephiePratt pulls out her own drama. Like, if this was a 15-year-old's birthday party StephiePratt would be the jealous BFF who wants some attention for herself. 

"I thought she was going to pick me up by my ears!" --StephiePratt

Yes, that could happen. Then, she says she wants to be a wedding planner or a party planner.  And of course, if they are talking about weddings why wouldn't they bring up Lauren again?  Side note: When I get married, if my friends are constantly talking about my guest list and who may-or-may-not show up, they will no longer be on my guest list. 

StephiePratt urges Audrina to talk to LC about attending the wedding, but Audrina says it won't do any good.

"That sucks." --StephiePratt, on Lauren's RSVP to the wedding


Heidi shows up to Lauren's office, because that is really professional and Kelly Cutrone will love it. Heidi gives her a wedding invitation and then cries.

"I don't get why you want me there?" --Lauren
"I think  you're the person that matters to me most if you're there." --Heidi

WHAT? WHAT?! So many thoughts, I can't even...I mean...

LC recounts her past experiences with Jason and actually, honestly, gives Heidi some words that had some meaning behind them. Could have been scripted, but either way-- she delivered them excellently. 

"I remember feeling so lucky to have you as a friend and having you be someone I almost aspired to be." --LC

Oh, snap! First off, you really aspired to be Heidi? And second, really? You aspired to be Heidi?

That whole scene was really emotional and for the first time in years, I would venture to say it was real. Real being a figment of my imagination when watching this show, but nonetheless, I smell an Emmy for these two. 


We see Spencer scrolling through his i-Phone, with Pink in the background, he makes the toughest phone call of his life. The phone rings. LC answers.

"I'm the most sorry ever." --Spencer

LC has no words. Who would?

Oh, touching! Spencer says, "I'm sure somewhere in your heart you still have a place for her. You don't owe me anything. But, thank you for taking the time to hear me out." 

Wow, LC had quite the afternoon, but went immediately back to her computer screen to no doubt check out Perez Hilton or TMZ. 


Next week: We say goodbye-- where is she going? She's just quitting the show, so, it's not like they can send her to Paris for the summer? Spencer apologizes. Holly cries. Brody calls Spencer out. And they still say, "I do."

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