Friday, November 5, 2010

mass chaos.

When I was in high school my friends and I down at the ole Methodist church decided we should revive the women's softball team. It had been defunct since the early '90s and since we all had a lot of experience playing slow-pitch softball we thought we might be able to bring a championship home for John Wesley.

We played two seasons and I'm sad to report that a championship trophy was not brought back to the church. And, in reality that was probably best. We weren't the most humble group. Which was just one of many lessons learned over the course of those two seasons. And since this web log exists to serve the greater good of the internetS, I want to share some of those other lessons with each and every (nine) of you.

1. Church secretaries are not as close to the Deity as one typically believes. This is probably not the case for most church secretaries, but in this case-- totally the case. Now, I know Methodist churches are usually a little more "free" and "liberal" than other denominations, game the church secretary was playing short stop and I was pitching and I ended up walking somewhere around seven or eight batters in a row. Naturally, I tried to hand the pitching duties off to someone else. When she failed miserably as well, the secretary gave me back the ball and in no uncertain terms told me to, "get my shit together and ****ing pitch." Yes, she said the dreaded "F" word. To me. The 17-year-old youth group executive member. That was one of my first lessons in depravity.

1b. There is very little Jesus involved in church league softball. Like, one prayer before the game and then, all hell breaks loose. I have a strong feeling that the Lord does not like being a sponsor of most softball leagues he ends up being associated with by default.

2. Sometimes transgender-ish people play on women's church league softball teams. And sometimes they really do have uni-sex names. And mostly, they suck at softball. Which is probably why the men's team wouldn't let this person play for them.

Maybe, I really didn't learn all that much, but I did learn for sure that it really clouts your ability to share Jesus with others when instead of praying for your poor pitching skills, they cuss you out. Not very Barnabus-like, eh?

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