Thursday, June 24, 2010

vogue, vogue, vogue.

At 26, I've learned that there are things that I am and there are things that I am not. For example: I am a girl. I am not a boy. I am a Razorback fan. I am not an LSU fan. I am completely comfortable with who the Lord has made me to be. I am not a fashionista with a flare for accessories.

For some reason unbeknownst to me, lately, I've been getting a few questions regarding fashion advice. Now, I'm no expert (as stated above), but because this blog solely exists to serve the greater good of the InternetS I will oblige and answer the questions.

How much leopard is too much leopard?
What a great a question! I'm a believer that any animal print is too much animal print, BUT...if you have to wear it, the less is more approach is your best bet. I mean, are you trying to dress like a leopard or cheetah or zebra? No. So, I'd say that only one item of clothing per outfit can be of the animal print persuasion. I'd suggest that the item NOT be a pair of pants.

What should I wear to an upcoming wedding?
That's such a broad question. I mean, I don't know your life. But, I can tell you this: you should not wear anything that you would wear to a Halloween party or anything that you would wear to a beach. Do not wear anything revealing too much skin. Also, don't wear white. Even if the bride is the biggest skeeze in the world and she shouldn't be wearing white, you still need to respect the rules.

I always feel like I look like I'm trying too hard. How can I avoid this?
I get it, I really do. I get that everyone in the world, typically, wants to look like a) they have more money than they actually do or b) they don’t care about what they look like. These things are tricky, because more often than not they back fire. For instance, wearing a shirt with “Old Navy” across the front doesn’t say, I can afford to shop somewhere other than Wal-Mart, it says you bought your shirt at Old Navy. If you show up somewhere with a designer draped across your chest, it is not a bold proclamation of wealth and accumulation, it’s a bold proclamation that you shopped around in a bargain bin. People are much more impressed with cheap clothes that look expensive than expensive clothes. Why you ask? Because if you can find affordable clothes that look designer you can still afford your bar tab and the lease on your 3-series BMW. So, all of that being said, to avoid looking like you're trying too hard maybe just don't try?

Other items of note:
  • If you're going to church or work or even Target, you shouldn't look like you're going to the club or Vegas. Why the rhinestones? Why. the. rhinestones.
  • If you’re wearing a small child’s weight in accessories try the less is more approach to life. You aren’t being eclectic by wearing 15 bracelets and nine necklaces; you’re weighing yourself down and making a lot of noise in the process.
  • If you're a boy, wear jeans made for a boy.
  • Wear clothes that fit. Are you wearing a tube top and have more than just your arms hanging loosely? You should probably change. Are your pants so tight that upon sight people are reminded of the camel they recently saw at the zoo?


The Joiners said...

Sooooo what you're saying is that it would not have been a good idea for Risa to have picked out bridesmaid dresses for us in corresponding animal prints?

Erin said...

I can't stop laughing!

Did someone really ask you those questions? People you know? That's even funnier! Please give fashion advice more often!

Cara Beth said...

haha! i love your blog!

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