Is this Kupah guy for real? Even if this guy is wasted, it's very odd behavior. And I've seen a lot of different drunk people in my life.
Kaitlyn went through many different emotions during the Kupah experience.
"I was angry and I was even more angry." -- Kaitlyn
Technically, that's one emotion.
This rose ceremony is weird and I think these producers have reached the end of all the television ideas based on the first 5 minutes alone.
It's group date time and the boys are going to do some sumo wrestling.
I'm not a busy person, like, I'm busy, but I have free-time. However, I do not have time for this. No one does.
Any group date that features this many blurred out butts is pretty bad. Kaitlyn thinks they are sexy.
Some of the little tiny men try to wrestle the real sumo wrestlers and it's like watching Michael Jordan play my dad in basketball.
Tony gives it a shot and fah-reaks out. He walks and Kaitlyn follows. He doesn't like showing aggression, he wants to do something peaceful and loving.
"I have the heart of a warrior and the spirit of a gypsy." -- Tony
Honestly? Terrible combination.
Tony just wants to have a date with non-violence. He wants to connect in other ways.
"Can we not just take a boat ride?" -- Tony
JJ decides to join the convo as he drinks his beer out of a tall stemless wine glass.
Can we get a breakdown on these guys' tattoos? Every one of them has a weird shoulder tattoo.
Kaitlyn realizing that Tony is experiencing real emotions and knows that she offended him, BUT HE OFFENDED HER. SO, BITCH DON'T PLAY.
Old Spice Guy takes Tony away and Kaitlyn joins them.
"I have worked very hard on advancing my emotions and I can't revert back to my primal instincts." -- Tony
He sounds like a dinosaur.
Kaitlyn tells Tony to hit the showers.
"I want to show you the inside of me." -- Tony
I think he means that literally. Like, he wants to show her his insides.
Kaitlyn has arranged an "exhibition" for the boys to wrestle each. I don't think she knows what an exhibition is.
The boys arrive at the exhibition on bikes while wearing robes.
I sincerely hope these people in attendance did NOT pay to watch this. Right? Explain that to your accountant.
Kaitlyn puts on one of the diapers and "wrestles" the 400-pound guy. He picks her up and slings her around a bit. PEOPLE ARE LOVE'N THIS AND I WONDER IF THEY HAVE ANY FRIENDS OR FAMILY THAT CARE ABOUT THEM. Or, maybe they were served a lot of free alcohol.
GROUP DATE AFTER-PARTY TIME.
Tony meets up with Kaitlyn and tells her he can NO LONGER PARTICIPATE IN THIS CIRCUS.
Amen, Tony! I mean...he is kind of right. These dates don't really allow anyone to get to know anyone. And it's kind of a farce.
"If you want to see what is inside of my heart, I am easily found." -- Tony
Do you think he just means he's on Facebook?
Clint decides to play hard to get and tells JJ he's going to hang back a bit. JJ says, "I don't think you should do that." Clint says it's her move. Terrible tactics there, son.
At one point, Kaitlyn sat down on the couch in Clint's arm crevice and he totally turned his face away from her and smirked.
THIS IS WHERE THE PRODUCERS ARE TRYING TO MAKE US THINK THAT HE IS GAY AND IN LOVE WITH JJ.
Sean B. gets about 12 seconds with KaityKat, plants a kiss on her and lands the rose.
This is exhausting.
ChrissyPoo invites KaityKat and Ben Z. on a date.
The two arrive at a warehouse, where ChrissyPoo meets them and tells them there's a code to get out. The basement is actually a dark room filled with fake blood, fake throw-up, maggots and various serpents. The bedroom decor reminds me of "13 Going on 30," but that could be because it was just on E! this weekend like, 6 times. IDK.
They have 45 minutes to figure out clues and get out OR THEY WILL DIE IN THIS GAS CHAMBER.
KaityKat freaks out over a bird and it's all shit from there.
At one point, they kiss.
DO NOT WORRY-- ABC DID NOT KILL THESE TWO IN A GAS CHAMBER.
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW. GAS CHAMBERS ARE HILARIOUS.
The Holocaust was over 70 years ago and fake gas chambers on dating shows are still not acceptable.
KaityKat ordered some pizza for Ben Z. and invited him over to her place.
Ben Z. thinks it means they have chemistry and forgot that ABC is in charge and they told her to invite him over for pizza.
Kaitlyn asks Ben Z. if he's afraid of snakes, he says no, so then she asks if he wants kids.
"I think I'm an emotional guy. I'm a real emotional guy, but it's all in here [points at head]." -- Ben Z.
Where else do emotions live, Ben Z.?
This is kind of a weird story, but Ben Z. says he didn't cry the day his mom died and it's the only regret he has in life and he hasn't cried in 11 years. KAITYKAT, YOU BETTER RUN. RUN FAST.
A man that is clearly afraid of snakes, lies to your face about it and then says he didn't cry the day his mom died, needs a shit ton of therapy.
The two of them hit the hot tub and Ben Z. has a terrible shoulder tattoo. It looks like some kind of Spanish flag with warrior wings on it. Do warriors have wings?
Ben Z. gets the rose.
It is time for the group date and KaityKat and this group of BroDudes are going to teach Sex-Ed at an elementary school. Approximately 19 seconds in, I hoped and prayed these children were child actors.
They were child actors. This was ridiculous.
Back at the house, JJ and Clint are CUDDLE BUGGIN' and playing in the pool. They talk about some sort of shower they supposedly took together and ABC is runnin' the Bullshit Express right now. All aboard.
Back at the school, these guys haven't even considered that no 8-year-old would ever ask a stranger these questions. You know how gUrls are always saying, "I can't." Well, I can't.
GROUP DATE AFTER-PARTY TIME.
Joshua sits Kaity down and tells her that he was really shy in high school.
If you have 5-10 minutes alone with a gUrl and you're fighting for this chick's attention amongst a dozen other suitors-- don't talk about high school. (THAT'S FREE ADVICE, Y'ALL.)
That other Ben takes Kaitlyn to the top of a building and calls her "girlfriend." That was quick, because I didn't know who he was until 4 minutes ago.
We head back to the hot tub with Clint and JJ where they are talking about how much they love turtles.
Kaitlyn finally gets some time with that guy who manages an Applebee's and she thinks his black eye is really hot.
Kaitlyn thinks "everything" Jerad does makes him sexy. Am I even a gUrl? I don't see it. I mean, he doesn't seem terrible, but sexy and stuff? IDK. IDK.
Ben H. gets the rose, because expectations.
I have such low expectations for everyone on this show.
Jerad is very upset.
ROSE CEREMONY PRE-PARTY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!
KaityKat gives a weird speech about husbands and friction.
This Clint-JJ thing is absolutely absurd.
Clint steals Kaitlyn away and apologizes for the way he has been acting, BUT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE HE IS SAYING ALL OF THIS TO GET MORE TIME IN THE HOUSE WITH HIS NEW LOVE, JJ.
ABC, YOU HAVE FOOLED ME. I TOTALLY THINK CLINT IS IN LOVE WITH JJ.
Clint tells JJ he's cute and has a great jawline.
OH MY GOSH. THIS IS SO BELIEVABLE.
I wish I was at an Applebee's right now.