Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The Bachelorette :: Andi : epi 7.

Welcome to Brussells! Andi is clad in leather and discussing melting pots.

"There's historical Belgium and new-modern Belgium." -- Andi

This is the week before hometown dates, so this is serious.

"Dude, w'ere in Brussells." -- a guy

ChrissyPoo rolls in wearing a blazer and a shallow v-neck. I think it's a Michael Jordan Hanes tagless v-neck. He explains the rules to three guys wearing scarfs and three guys wearing hoodies. THE POSSIBILITIES.

ChrissyPoo hands over the first date card. Marcus is getting the one-on-one date. He is wearing a scarf and a pink sweater. I swear on my life I got scarf for Christmas one year.


Andi is just excited to spend the day with Marcus and "explore this town." They take some selfies and buy some shit.

Marcus tells Andi he's been journaling. JOURNALING. Like he's been at camp all summer. He was going to leave, but only because he had such strong feelings, not because he realized he was on a television show and shit. He's "in love" with her and the pedal has his the metal. He's also drinking a beer while saying this, so. IDK.

It's dinner time and there's a rose AND meeting someone's family on the table.

Marcus is worried about talking about his family. The music during Marcus' family story sounds like "Silence of the Lambs." Or worse. And what's worse than that?

Something about mom.

There are HUGE limes in their waters. HUGE.
And. There's a lime shortage going on around here.

Kissing. Kissing. Kissing.

"This is a man in front of me." -- Andi


Marcus comes home from the date. Nick "can tell" he had a nice time. He has NO interest in hearing about his date.

Josh is wearing a hoodie without a shirt on underneath.

Nick goes downstairs to "be persistent." He tells the hotel lady that he lost his room key and forgot his room number, just to see Andi. He's hoping the move pays off. Andi is still in her duds when she answers, but her heart is beating.

She was scared at first, but then they decided to go for a walk.

So far, Nick has gotten almost as much screen time as Marcus.

Kissing. Kissing.
Kissing next to a tree.

Passion. Very passionate.

"It's so hot." -- Andi
Nick is wearing a leather jacket, but I think she means figuratively.


It's time for Andi's second one-on-one date with Josh. She doesn't know how it's going to go, because Josh needs to catch up in the feelings department.

"This is one of the only cities in Europe that didn't get burned down during the wars." -- Andi

The wars. 

Josh has a feeling inside for Andi.
It's a feeling.
He's holding the feeling in.
Feelings or something.
It's tough.

So, Andi needs Josh to put IT out there. Everyone else is putting IT out there. She needs THAT from Josh. 

Can he even put the FEELINGS out there? 

Josh thinks he's gotten the best dates. He wants Andi to himself and hates seeing Andi with other guys.

Josh is ready for his family to meet Andi and wants her to know that she can be open and honest, but straight (?) with his family. 


He don't just throw shit around, if he says FEELINGS, that's who he wants to marry. 

Kissing. Kissing. 
Loud, LOUD kissing. 

Andi wanted to go outside, but they just kissed in a stairwell instead. 

It is so loud. 

There are some Belgium country music singers singing in the middle of the street. 

Dancing the street. No one else is dancing.



Nick's feelings about group dates haven't changed. They're the worst.

The group is at a castle. Or the ruins of a castle. The ruins have stood "the test of time," so they all hope their love with Andi can stand the test of time. : (

Something about bikes on train tracks?

Andi takes them to a monastery. So. IDK.
I can't. I mean.
They can have beer and cheese, but no kissing.

Andi takes Chris to a "pottery barn." She thinks it steamy.
She watched "Ghost" one too many times.
They kiss.

So, I don't think I know the rules.

Brian is like, FREAKING OUT over the rose. It's all he can talk about or think about. All I can think about is his sweater/hoodie sans shirt. How does that happen? Like, I don't think I know a single guy who would be like, "I'll wear this and skip the shirt."

I mean, do I?
Lord, hear my prayers. 

Nick doesn't think that Dylan, Brian and Chris matter. There's no second, there's no third. There's just Nick.


Nick and Andi take "how far is too far" to church camp level and just stare at each other and talk about kissing.

During the group date rose ceremony Nick gets the rose and Brian looks like he's going to burn down the entire country of Belgium.

Nick stays behind and the van of death takes Dylan, Brian and Chris back to the hotel. Brian wanted that rose "bad, really bad."

"He's not real to us." -- Chris, about Nick

Nick gets to meet Andi for dinner in another city.

"I'm excited to smile and just talk about Milwaukee!" -- Andi
First time anyone has ever said that. 

The bros get back to the hotel and everyone is MAD. Mad. Brian is still super mad. Everyone thinks Nick is going to make to the end and then walk away. He's a gamer.

Shit, y'all.
Come on.

Haters gon' hate, bro.

Fireworks, hands, kissing, baseball shirts.

I feel nothing in my soul.


Nick gets back from his quasi-date and boyz be bitchin'.
Actually, boyz be coughing.

There's a confrontation and everyone thinks Nick is into strategy more than Andi.



Andi wants to go home, she can kind of see herself visiting a few hometowns.

Dylan, who has the haircut of every boy from middle school in the mid-90s, has kind of figured out it is behind him, Chris and Brian.

Nick is excited for his friends to meet Andi. He is crying and I'm now convinced he's one of those people who watches "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" live every single week and gets upset if anyone spoils that for him.

Chris wants to let Andi know he is "there."
I'm assuming "there" is not Belgium and is somewhere figuratively.

Chris just takes Andi to some back alley and kisses her like he's the nerd in an '80s teen movie and no one can see them kissing because she's from the other side of the tracks or something.



She starts out by saying, "my sweet six."
I threw up.

Gentlemen, Andi, this is the final rose, when you're ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chris gets the final rose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dylan and his hair head out the door. My ballpark guess is that he has not washed that hair the whole time he's been in another country.

He's crying because Andi cut him, I'm crying because he's dressed like Donald Trump.

"I definitely deserve to fall in love again. Definitely." -- Dylan
Baby boy, no one deserves anything!!!!!!!!!!!

Brian poured his heart to "that girl" and he has now vowed to GIVE HIS ALL FOR THE GIRL HE ENDS UP WITH. He kind of said it like he was going to kill her, too. I really hope he doesn't kill anyone over this.

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