Tuesday, October 16, 2012

debate questions.

Lord knows I love a good presidential debate. But, the debate questions are stupid and they rarely even get answered. It's all bullshit and rhetoric.

If I could moderate the debate we would play by a different set of rules, outlined by me.

First off, you have to answer the answer the question. No matter what. You get one pass. Just one for the entire debate.

Second, you would have to wear something like a shock collar around your wrist. If you start interrupting too much, I will shock you. This is America. We are civilized. Act like it.

Third, if you state "facts" you must cite your sources.

Fourth, you must go by the name that your parents call you during the debate.
(For example, I would go by, "LN," rather than Governor Cowling or whatever.) This makes things more personal.

Fifth, for every 6 lies that you tell a puppy is either sent to your home to live forever or sent to the streets.

So, with the rules out of the way, here are some of the questions I would like to ask:
(In no particular order.)

Explain the deficit to this group of 5th graders. 

Do you drive an American car? What's the gas mileage on it? Did you buy your American car because Dr. Dre and Emimen are in commercials for them?

Are you friends with Jay-Z? What do you think Jay-Z can do to help you be a better president?

Do you know any gay people who have served in the military AND have had an abortion? 

How often do you really go to church? 

Do you watch "Homeland"? Isn't it absurd that the VP is such a power player? 

What's your favorite domestic beer?

Who is your favorite president, why?

What do you mean when you say, "middle class?"

If Warren Buffet wants to pay more taxes, can't you just ask him to make a donation?

Can you describe yourself in three words?

Is there a law that you can try to pass, so people, under the law, can't get away with singing their own arrangement of the Star Spangled Banner?

Can you, delicately, explain to the American public that you, as president, don't really have much to do with gas prices?

Can you please cut about 1/3 of government spending and pour it all into public education as an experiment for your whole first term in office and just see how it turns out? 

If I could just get some of those questions answered I'd feel a little better about this whole election thing. Until then.

This is America.
Bless it.


Gardner said...

Superb. One of the greats.

Annie Gruetzmacher said...


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