Tuesday, February 24, 2009

lent.

Oh, Lent...that season which means fasting and prayer before Easter for some and serves as a mini diet in the name of Jesus for others.

As a small Methodist child with John Wesley in my heart I often gave up things like cokes for Lent. Every single year actually until I was about 12. It was at that age I started to understand the true meaning of Lent-- I gave up pizza and Jesus replaced John Wesley in my heart, because let me tell you when you're going through pizza withdrawals ain't nobody going to be able to help you BUT Jesus. Amen.

The more I understood what Lent meant the more I came to enjoy the challenge and look forward to the sacrifice. Every year proved to be something even more hard than the year before. I think my ultimate triumph was giving up bread sometime in high school.

I love the people who give things up like Lent is a diet rather than a spiritual season. My freshman year in college two girls on my floor in Reid Hall tried to convince me that the Atkins Diet was the one thing I was missing in my oh-so-fabulous-19-year-old life. And remember, we're talking about the queen of starches and carbs here. I failed miserably at this diet and had a Pop Tart midway through day one. So, of course when Lent rolled around and the Freshman 15 had more than piled on, I was all about some Atkins Diet, I mean, giving up carbs for Lent. And guess what? I didn't lose any weight and I'm fairly sure I gained zero perspective in the matter.

You see, Lent's not about dieting. It's about sacrificing something for the one who sacrificed it all for you.

I mean, think about it-- Jesus died on a cross. Surely, I can make it 40 days without fast food or chocolate or pizza or bread or caffeine or the presidents or whatever your sacrifice of choice may be.








** This post in no way represents the views of Christians worldwide on the season of Lent-- just mine. This post in no way is out to condemn people who do not participate in the season of Lent, as it is a personal choice for everyone. This post in no way acts as a soapbox. This post in no way was meant to harm anyone. It was only written to offer up personal thoughts on a personal subject and to encourage anyone and everyone to participate in things for a reason, hopefully the right one. Amen.**

Saturday, February 21, 2009

side of the road jesus.

You know how when you were little and sitting in church the preacher always told that story about people ignoring Jesus on the side of the highway (homeless, hitchhiker, orphan, stray kitten, etc;) and when they got to Heaven Jesus was a little bummed out that they ignored Him? 

That story really always moved me. 

Ok,  not really. Not until I was older. 
Maybe, not even until tonight. 

Ashley Scarlett approached me in the Chuy's parking lot. I had just enjoyed a meal with some friendlies of mine, Jaclyn and Taylor  (SHOUT OUT). She was noticeably distraught, not disheveled and not entirely homeless looking. Actually, not homeless looking at all-- she had a Blackberry and a fake (or could've been real) Louis Vuitton. I rolled down the window, much to the folly of my buddies. Miss Ashley Scarlett started talking and it was a good two minutes before we even knew what she needed. 

She gave me more details than a Wikipedia entry. Literally, she told me she had just met a friend for dinner that she used to substitute with in Weatherford. They met halfway because her friend is now in McKinney-- actually she said Collin County, then McKinney.  She continued to ramble on about her husband being out of town and owning some car dealership, she gave us the address of the dealership, her mother's maiden name, her sister's first daughter's social security number and a lock of her hair. She claimed  she left her wallet inside of Chuy's and that it was nowhere to be found. Apparently she knows no one in Dallas and I'm guessing her friend that she met for dinner was a real ass because she didn't come back to rescue her. 

She was almost in tears and I was convinced that no one would be able to make up all of that information in the middle of the parking lot off the cuff. She claimed she had no gas and no money. She couldn't get home. 

There is literally a gas station across the street from Chuy's. I told her to drive over there and I'd fill up her car. She said she wouldn't make it. I drove her over to the gas station and filled up a gas can for her. And I still wasn't too suspicious. 

And then, the attendant said, "are you buying this for her? Do you know her?" I told him no and he shook his head. I should've drawn the bridge diagram for him, but I just wanted Miss Ashley Scarlett to get back to Weatherford in one piece. 

Then, she asked me for cash. I told her the homeless guy at Greenville and Mockingbird bled me dry and she asked me to drive to an ATM. At any point I'm waiting on her to stab Taylor, who was sitting in the backseat with her.  Then, Taylor and Jaclyn told her we had no money and couldn't help her anymore. We sent ole Ash off into the cold, cold night with two gallons of gas and hopefully a warm story to tell at the nursing home tomorrow when she goes and visits her grandmother, who is probably very ill and couldn't come help her tonight. 

That's what I want to believe anyway.

Jesus or a scam artist-- I'm out 16 bones.  

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

the bachelor.

I've been keeping quiet for weeks now, just hoping and praying that this show would magically disappear or that my friends would suddenly lose all interest in it. Neither happened.

Allow me to be candid for a moment-- there was a sliver in time not too long ago where I thought this Jason fellow might be a fairly decent guy (based on reality TV standards, not my real life standards). I tried to forget the fact that he was dragging his three-year-old son into this fiesta from hell. I tried to ignore the fact that he kept saying all the ladies (I use that term very loosely) had amazing, "qualities," but rarely could come up with any specific qualities. Aside from, "beautiful person."

I can no longer ignore this bachelor. I can no longer sit by idly while America falls in love with this man.

Jason is a complete creeper clearly looking to get a piece. If that isn't the case then please tell me why he is left to choose between two 24-year-olds who have no business walking and chewing gum, much less caring for a child. I swear on my life Jason wants his son to endure years of therapy. It's like he wants a Lifetime movie out of this fiasco. Mark my words: this will end badly. Ty is going to end up on Dateline.

Can I just mention for a quick moment that the hot tub scene with Jillian was reminiscent of a late-night movie on Cinemax. And no, I don't have Cinemax or watch late-night movies. I'm just saying. She's classy. He's classy. ABC is owned by Disney? How did that even get on the air? I bet her parents are proud, "you go baby, you wrap those legs around him! Get it gUrrrllll!" Every father's dream right there, every. father's. dream.

I am writing a letter to my congressman begging him to propose legislation to get this show taken off the air forever. And ever.

Amen.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

favorite thing in life (right now).

Right now, at this moment, on this day, nothing is bringing me greater happiness. I love this.

Monday, February 16, 2009

dear presidents.

Dear Presidents of the United States of America,

For those of you who are still kicking it breathing style, I hope you're celebrating today. There are very few people who can celebrate this day and really celebrate. It's not like St. Patrick's Day, this day is your day. Enjoy it.

God Bless America,
Lauren

Monday, February 9, 2009

stuff i don't like.

The weblog, "Stuff White People Like" was all the rage in 2008. Here is my list of things I don't like. It could be alternately titled, "Stuff White People Don't Like," but I don't necessarily want to carry that burden.

  • Government bail-outs. Does that make me un-American? I think it makes me more American. Actually, that's dumb. I don't think there is a rating system for how "American" someone is, but maybe there should be. Maybe the government should come up with a rating of how "American" one is and if you're above a certain number then you can get a sticker for your SUV or your vote can count more than others. 
  • The Jonas Brothers. How old are they anyway?
  • Animals that talk. Animals can't talk. Especially fish. You can't talk underwater. So, if you're animal that lives underwater you definitely can't talk. 
  • People who don't like Coldplay. I can understand that sometimes people want to stay away from "fads" or "trends," but sometimes something is that good. I mean, I guarantee you no one tried to pull the cool card and say they weren't fans of The Beatles in the '60s.
  • Obama's Stimulus Plan.  Have you read it? It's pretty entertaining. And funny. Here are a few of my faves: Indian Health Service Facilities: $550 million to modernize aging hospitals and health clinics and make healthcare technology upgrades to improve healthcare for underserved rural populations. Rural indians? Rural populations? Or just Indians? Native American Housing Block Grants: $500 million to rehabilitate and improve energy efficiency at some of the over 42,000 housing units maintained by Native American housing programs. Half of the funding will be distributed by formula and half will be competitively awarded to projects that can be started quickly. Wait. Indians? Or Native Americans? Compassion Capital Fund: $100 million for grants to faith- and community-based organizations to provide critical safety net services to needy individuals and families. Wait. Isn't the job of the church? Shouldn't I get to decide that? Isn't that what tithing is for? Now, my tax dollars are paying for it? National Treasures: $400 million, including $200 million to address the deterioration of the National Mall, such as repair of the Jefferson Memorial’s collapsing Tidal Basin walls; $150 million to address the repair backlog at the Smithsonian; and $50 million for the National Endowment for the Arts.  Lord knows I love me some national monuments and I've had more than one vacation that revolves around them, but I thought this was an ECONOMIC STIMULUS plan. How in the world is repairing the Tidal Basin walls going to help me and thousands of others keep their jobs? Also- National Endowment for the Arts? Please
  • Public restrooms. 
  • Traffic. I will be an alcoholic before I'm 30 if I have to sit in traffic any more than I already do. 
  • People who don't like Chili's. Yeah, it's a chain and it's damn good. 
  • The Big 12. 

Sunday, February 8, 2009

grammy.

I just watched Coldplay and Jay-Z perform together. Live. On the Grammys.

It's like Jesus put together his two favorites and made them perform.

Touche, Jesus, touche.

Friday, February 6, 2009

february.

February is Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month.
February is American Hearth Month (yes, AMERICAN hearts only).
February is Black History Month.
February is Family Fun Month.
February is Bird Feeding Month.
February is Pet Dental Health Month.
February is Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month.


So. If you're a black adopted rabbit from America with a heart who has fun with their family while feeding birds and taking shopping carts back to the supermarket all while caring for the dental needs of pets then this month is for you. SHOUT OUT.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

american idol.

American Idol is a broad term. One would assume when seeing that term that a certain American is idolized by all in America. 

False. 

You'd be hard pressed to find more than 17 people in America (or Dallas alone I bet) who idolize Taylor Hicks.  And it's safe to say no one is going to idolize someone who had a Lifetime movie made about their life, aka Fantasia Barrino.  I am thinking having a Lifetime movie made about you kind of makes you the very antithesis of someone worth idolizing. 

This show dumbfounds me. Especially the people who go on it and get cut and then are are convinced their lives are over. It's like they think the only way to succeed at something is by going on a reality television show -- yeah, if life were only that easy. 

Literally, a girl just said, "I have nothing else." Well, what the hell have you been doing for 23 years prior to this? When you were nine did you sit around and pray that someone would someday start a singing competition and you could be discovered through it? Doubtful. What happened to working hard and achieving a goal? 

This show makes me wish Jesus would come back.
Soon. 

Monday, February 2, 2009

the crying game.

I am one of minimal emotions, it's the Cowling in me.

That's not completely true, I have a lot of emotions, it's just rare to share them. With others. Or in public. Or on a blog.

But, lately, I'd say over the last six months, something has kicked on in me that has turned me into a flat-out, good-for-nothing, CRIER. It's terribly scary and not like me. I used to be able to look a calendar and say, "yeah, I cried...about six Tuesdays ago." Now, I say, "Yeah, I cried about six minutes ago."

Things that have made me cry lately:
- Looking at pictures of Old Main and the U of A campus after the ice storm.
- Thinking about baby Harper being born (I was alone at the time, not even with the Pardues!).
- Remembering how my brother used to come to every single game of everything I ever played in, even when I asked him not to.
- Watching Mary Tyler Moore get robbed during season 1 of the Mary Tyler Moore Show.
- Definitely teared up during Friday Night Lights and The Biggest Loser last week.
- This is the kicker, I've taken to listening to country music a little bit and last week I cried while listening to some lame Kenny Chesney song.


I think I have an iron deficiency or something.

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